


Fills me with hope

by JungHopie



Series: Youth [1]
Category: B.A.P, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: BTS x BAP, Crossover, M/M, Yoonseok - Freeform, bap - Freeform, bts - Freeform, jihope - Freeform, kpop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 17:23:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9502277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JungHopie/pseuds/JungHopie
Summary: "Jung Hoseok is a simple and virtuous boy who grew up on a farm in Gwangju. He moves to Busan carrying a great pain in his heart and seeking to change his life.Park Jimin is a "son of Busan" who lives life in a carefree and sometimes dangerous way. But he also carries a great pain and a secret.Their paths intersect in the wagon of a train and so they must learn to deal with their differences while understand that they are the only ones capable of giving a little hope to each other."





	1. No more dreams

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Fills me with hope](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/260333) by Matsu__. 



> Ahn... Hi?  
> Nice to meet you guys.  
> I'm really apprehensive about posting this fanfic for a few reasons. One of it is: the BTS fandom scares me, but I'm happy with the result of this fanfic and I think it's worth taking a little risk.
> 
> But first, I'd like to let you know a few things:
> 
> 1\. English is not my native language.
> 
> 2\. I can't deal with things like "it would be better with another couple" or "I prefer romance / comedy". I write angst, drama, if you don't like to see your idol suffering, then don't read.
> 
> 3\. It's the first time I write a kpop fanfic, but I wrote fanfics of the GazettE, so I'll keep writing the genres I like.
> 
> 4\. Fills me with hope is a story about youth, about making difficult choices. It's about this complicated phase of life where we do not know exactly what is our place in the world. It is about doubting, taking risks, seeking happiness even in the midst of difficulties. It is an exposition of conflicting feelings that makes the reader enter the minds of 7 disturbed boys, each one in their particularity.
> 
> 5\. About the structure:  
> -The characters' lines are between two dashes "—" and in italics.  
> -I don't use quotation marks to represent lines of characters because I think it's disorganized and because I use quotes for other things.
> 
> Prepare your heart to suffer a bit. ♥
> 
> Oh, before going to the first chapter, I need to say one more thing. During the fanfic, some complementary stories (sidefic) will be posted. It will not be here as chapters, it will be posted separately and will have the right moment to be read. This will happen because the fic is focused on Hoseok x Jimin's relationship, and the complementary stories will tell a little more about the other boys. But do not worry, everything will be warned properly.
> 
> Well, that's all for now. I hope you like the first chapter.
> 
> The fanfic in my native language will be updated weekly, but maybe in English it will take a little longer (because I'm translating and it's a bit difficult for me).
> 
> Good reading ♥

The train was leaving Gwangju toward Busan and within it was Jung Hoseok, a friendly guy with big smile. Hoseok was carrying only a backpack with some clothes, an antiquated cell phone and an mp3.

It was all he had after all.

He was leaving Gwangju for the first time and wanted to be excited about it, but he felt only sadness.

The cabin where he had sat was empty, luckily. Maybe it was his only luck in recent months. Although he was friendly, Hoseok just wanted to be alone at least for a few hours.

He wondered if his sister was all right. He knew it was all right with her, she had a husband to protect her, but still was concerned. Move to a new country could be daunting, especially knowing that she was so emotionally upset as he was.

He looked out the window when the train rounded a corner to bypass the station, seeing Gwangju falling behind slowly, but at the same time too quickly, his heart was beating fast, making his eyes fill with tears.

It was necessary to be strong. He needed to overcome the wounds and the longing if he wanted to start a new life.

He dried his tears with anger and seconds later the door of the cabin opened.

Hoseok looked with some curiosity to the boy who was holding the door. Orange hair, torn trousers on his knees, and a white shirt too large for his body.

—  _Yoongi hyung!_  — he called. —  _It's 69 and not 96, donkey hyung. You don’t know how to read?_

—  _I was confused, idiot._

—  _I think not even has 96 cabins on this train._ — the orange-haired boy came in, throwing himself in the seat in front of Hoseok, seeming to ignore him. Behind him came a guy very pale with faded green hair that should be such Yoongi. Also sat in the front seat, looking very grumpy with the train ticket in his hand.

Hoseok pulled his backpack closer, resting it on his leg. The orange-haired boy seemed to realize the action, staring at him, but said nothing and turning his attention to Yoongi, taking away the ticket from his hand.

—  _Your mom will kill you._

—  _I know._ — Yoongi grunted.

—  _Why did you come to Gwangju?_

—  _Because I’m bored._ — Yoongi looked at Hoseok for a while, who was trying not hear the conversation, keeping his eyes on the window and far away. —  _Let's not talk about it here._

—  _Hm... she'll kill you._

—  _Shut up, Jimin, bloody hell._

—  _Next time make sure to run away to a cool place, Gwangju's is so depressing._

—  _I had no money._

—  _I can lend to you. It was your mother who paid for my ticket today. I lend you my money and she pay my ticket to chase you again. What do you think?_

Yoongi stared at Jimin still pretty serious, then smiled, making the other smile too, and both raised fists to punch the hand of each other.

—  _Right, but since when you have money?_

Hoseok smirked to himself, trying not to be noticed. They were so idiots. They didn't seemed to be much younger, but looked like two demented teenagers.

He cleared his throat with a fake cough before venturing to talk.

—  _You both are from Busan?_  — he two guys looked at him, then looked at each other with suspects smiles on their faces.

—  _Yea._  — it was Jimin who answered.

—  _I'm Jung Hoseok. I’m from Gwangju._

Hoseok reached out and Jimin laughed sarcastically and with some incredulity before shake his hand.

—  _Park Jimin._  — so Hoseok reached for Yoongi who faces him but didn't move, not even smiled, leaving Hoseok embarrassed.

—  _I'm moving to Busan, but I know nothing about there._ — Hoseok felt even more uncomfortable when Yoongi catch the headset, ignoring Hoseok completely, but Jimin seemed amused.

—  _Really? Do you think you can get something in Busan?_

—  _I'll try..._

—  _No chance._  — Jimin laughed. —  _What do you think about Busan? You've been there at least once?_

—  _Ahn?_  — Jimin stared at him laughing, leaning back in the seat.

—  _Are you going to Busan look for something like "change of life"? This sort of thing too much innocent still exists?_ — Yoongi snickered and Hoseok noticed that the headphones were just an excuse for Hoseok not talking to him.

—  _I can’t understand..._

—  _Give up. When you reach into Busan station, take a train back to Gwangju._  — Jimin laughed again, crossing his arms. He stared at Hoseok for a while, but his gaze changed suddenly to something Hoseok could not explain, so Jimin blinked a few times before looking out the window.

Hoseok looked at him for some time, feeling cornered by hostility. Busan would not be easy if all the people there were like those two.

 

 

Hoseok waited until Jimin and Yoongi left the cabin and only then he left the train. Busan's station was much bigger than Gwangju's, and it was enough to make him very frightened.

In the distance he saw Jimin and Yoongi walking to the exit. It was not difficult to recognize colored hairs. He knew he would meet good people and those two would be forgotten.

Outside the station he took his cell phone out of his pocket to check the time. It would not be long before nightfall, and he needed to find a place to sleep, though he knew nothing there. Maybe there was some cheap pension near the station.

—  _Excuse me._  — Hoseok called an old man who was passing. —  _Can you tell me where I can find a not too expensive hotel?_

—  _Hm…_  — the old man looked from one side to the other. —  _There some hotels there, but I don't know about prices._

—  _Thank you. Thank you very much!_  — he bowed sometimes while the old man walked away.

Hoseok headed for the right, feeling a little more excited. Really had hotels there.

—  _Good afternoon!_  — the clerk received him with a big smile. —  _May I help you?_

—  _Good afternoon!_  — oseok also answered with a smile. —  _I would like to have a bedroom..._

—  _Of course! Of course! We have many bedrooms. Great bedrooms. Come on!_

She started to pull him by wrist.

—  _Oh wait, wait!_  — the woman stopped, looking at him.

—  _Yes?_

—  _I don’t have much money... I need to know about prices._

—  _Hm._  — the animation of the woman faded away. —  _How much you have?_

—  _It’s not much..._

—  _How much you have? A room costs ₩ 60,000 per night._

—  _₩ 60,000 per night?!_ — Hoseok was startled.

—  _You don't have this money?_ — the woman dropped Hoseok's arm. —  _If don't have money, go away. Go away!_

She pushed him out.

_—You know where I can find a cheap bedroom?_

_—My bedrooms are cheap, boy, you will not find anything cheaper than this._ — And she slammed the door, leaving Hoseok standing alone outside.

 _—Aish..._ — Hoseok muttered, picking up the phone again to check hours. —  _So late..._

He put the phone in his pocket and went to the next hotel, and then to the next, and to the next... he had so short of money that was not enough for one night nor even in the most miserable hotel. If Gwangju were not so dangerous for him now...

After going on all the nearest hotels, Hoseok sat on the first seat in sight, feeling exhausted and disappointed.

—  _I told you to get back._  — Hoseok got scared, looking from one side to the other, but saw no one, then he turned back to see Jimin approaching and sitting next to him. He had a huge glass of soda in his hands. Hoseok did not answer, just stared straight ahead and Jimin looked at him curiously, unable to turn around to look at the same point that Hoseok. —  _Are you giving me a cold shoulder? You're not resentful, you are? That was just a joke._

—  _Jokes should be funny._

—  _Don't be so boring! —_  Jimin gave a weak punch in Hoseok arm, pushing him a bit to the side. —  _How did you say that's your name?_

—  _Hoseok._  — he answered after a while. —  _My name is Hoseok._

—  _Ok. Are you waiting for someone?_

—  _No… I was looking for a place to stay, but I don’t have enough money._

Jimin watched him for a while as he drank his soda.

 —  _I live alone._ — Jimin said and Hoseok frowned looking at him.

—  _Cool…?_

—  _You're stupid, right? You can stay in my house if you want._  — Hoseok continued to stare at Jimin, then shook his head.

—  _No, thanks._

—  _C'mon man! —_  Jimin grabbed the sleeve of Hoseok's coat, beginning to swing him. —  _Don't be like that. You seems to be a nice guy, don't give me this cold shoulder._

Hoseok grabbed Jimin's hand, pushing it away and freeing himself from the uncomfortable swing.

—  _I really thank you, but I'm not going to your house._

—  _Are you going to sleep on the street? —_ Jimin took another sip of soda.

—  _I'll do it._

—  _You'll be robbed._ — Hoseok looked at him wide-eyed.

—  _R-robbed?_

Jimin stared at him still taking his soda.

—  _Busan is so dangerous, ah..._ — Jimin nodded glumly. —  _Gwangju is also a great city, it should be dangerous too. Or did you lived on a farm?_ — Jimin laughed. It was true that Hoseok had been born and lived all life on a farm and that had never been a problem, but it was the first time he felt ashamed to admit it. —  _Hm... Sorry, that was not supposed to be offensive._

—  _No problem._

—  _It's up to you..._

Jimin got up, starting to walk away, but looking at Hoseok covertly. Hoseok turned to see Jimin leaving, then got up and ran, realizing he would not back.

—  _Your house is far away?_  — Hoseok walked fast to keep up to Jimin, who laughed.

—  _Not really._

 

 

 

> _Make your own way_  
>  even if you live only for one day  
>  do something  
>  put your weakness aside  
>  Hey, what's your dream?

 


	2. Unpack your bags

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I didn't say that in the first chapter, but the boys' look is the same as in MV "Run". ^^

_—_ _You said it was not far away._ _—_ Hoseok complained, checking the hours on his cell phone. _—_ _We've been walking for half an hour._

 _—_ _Are you a farmer who can't walk for long? I thought all farmers were athletic and did physical exercises carrying vegetable boxes._

 _—_ _Shouldn't that sound like an offense, too?_

 _—_ _No, it should._ _—_ Jimin laughed, but Hoseok was still serious. _—_ _Hey man, it's a joke. Don't you have a sense of humor?_

 _—_ _Hm ..._ _—_ Jimin rolled his eyes, bored.

 _—_ _Why did you come to Busan without money? Are you running away?_ _—_ Hoseok stopped and Jimin turned to face him. _—_ _Are you ok?_

 _—_ _I'm ok..._ _—_ Jimin was frowning when Hoseok started to walking again. _—_ _I just didn't want to keep carrying vegetable boxes._

 _—_ _Oh! You made a joke! You really made a joke!_ _—_ Jimin's mouth opened in amazement. _—_ _So you just came for a job?_

 _—_ _Yes._

 _—_ _I hope you know it’s not so simple. I was born and raised here and I am still unemployed._

 _—_ _You’ve tried at least?_

 _—_ _Not really, but this isn’t the point._ _—_ Jimin picked up the phone, dialing a number quickly. _—_ _Hey Namjoon hyung, what are you doing? Oh cool. Hey, what you think about drink some alcohol tonight? Ok so, Jin hyung too. Call Tae, I’ll call to Kook and Yoongi hyung. Yes, in my house. See ya._

Hoseok thought it was strange, but kept following Jimin while he used cell phone again, this time calling such Kook and then Yoongi.

They went through a few more alleys and Hoseok wondered if it was right to follow a stranger. What about if he was planning to do something with Hoseok? He was already feeling very nervous when Jimin finally stopped in front of a house, taking a key out of his pants pocket.

 _—_ _Here?_

 _—_ _Yes._

 _—_ _Hm. —_ Hoseok followed Jimin to the back of the backyard where there was a single room shack. He waited for Jimin to open the door, giving him room to enter.

 _—_ _OK! It's comfortable, is not it?_

 _—_ _Really?_

 _—_ _C’mon, don’t be like that. Make yourself comfortable, I need to take a shower before guys arrive. —_ Jimin disappeared into the bathroom.

Hoseok eyed from side to side. There were only one room besides the bathroom and it was divided by a table, there were a refrigerator and a stove and several pots, plates and cutlery heaped on the table. On the opposite side of the table there were a single bed covered with clothes, a TV and nothing else.

There was no way to be comfortable.

He thought seriously of leaving while Jimin was taking a shower, but it would be disrespectful, after all the other had offered help at a difficult time. It would be better to wait for him to get out of the shower.

 _—_ _NAMJOON IS HERE!_ _—_ Hoseok's scare was genuine when he heard the voice shouting behind him, turning to look at the unfamiliar face. _—_ _Hey, who are you?_

Hoseok bowed while the other left some  plastic bags on the table.

 _—_ _I_ _'m Jung Hoseok._

 _—_ _Are you a friend of Jimin? He never talked about you. Are you both having an affair?_

 _—_ _What? —_ Hoseok was startled again and Namjoon laughed.

 _—_ _Oh I don't think so, sorry. I'm Namjoon. —_ Hoseok bowed once more to the pink-haired boy. _— Where's Jimin?_

 _—_ _He's taking a shower. —_ Hoseok answered, seeing one more young man enter the cubicle, this time a slim, pretty-looking young man with big bright eyes. He also left a lot of  plastic bags on the table and Hoseok noticed that there was food in them.

 _—_ _Hi. —_ He said smiling, bowing to Hoseok who repeated the gesture. _— I'm Seokjin, but you can call me Jin._

Hoseok smiled, feeling better about seeing someone "normal".

 _—_ _I'm Hoseok._

 _—_ _Nice to meet you. Has anyone else arrived? They are always late._

 _—_ _Are you surprised? —_ Namjoon said.

 _—_ _Not really. I wanted this habit to stop._

A third boy came in, glanced at Hoseok, then went to the table also dropping  plastic bags there. He looked at Hoseok once more. The fringe of his hair was tied back by a cleat and it was a little funny to look at, the boy opened a big smile.

 _—_ _Who is he?_

 _—_ _His name is Hoseok. —_ Namjoon answered, starting to search something into the plastic bags. _— He's a Jimin's friend._

 _—_ _Really? Cool. I'm Taehyung. Are you going to live here?_

 _—_ _Eh? No... I'll just stay this night._

 _—_ _I see…_ _Jimin hyung didn't say he was seeing anyone._

 _—_ _Seeing?_

Hoseok wasn't sure about the things they said, had no habit of using or hearing slang, and even their accent was difficult to understand.

 _—_ _Hoseok, right? —_ another guy was there. Hair without chemistry and bright eyes, he looked very young. _— I'm Jungkook._

 _—_ _Nice to meet you._

Namjoon threw himself on the bed, Jin began to store the drinks and food in the refrigerator with the help of Jungkook while Taehyung sat on the floor beside the bed.

 _— Y'all are so noisy. —_ Jimin finally came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, his orange hair was glued to his forehead.

Hoseok felt his face burning. How could he stay just wrapped in a towel when so many people were there?

Hoseok was the only one who grunted when Jimin let the towel fall to the floor, but the others acted normally. Jimin searched for something in the pile of clothes on the bed, picking up some pieces and starting to dress.

 _— Did anyone call Yoongi? —_ Who asked was Jin.

_— I called, but I doubt his mother will let him out._

_— She can't hold him at home. She will only be able when starts chaining him to the foot of the bed. —_ Namjoon said with a laugh, without looking away from the screen of the cell phone.

 _— Hey Hoseok! Why don't you sit down? —_ Jimin stared at him as he finished wearing a shirt. Hoseok was still standing with his pack on his back.

_— Can I talk to you for a minute?_

_— Of course._

_— It's particular... —_ Jimin continued to stare at him, then was shoved by Namjoon.

 _— He wants to talk to you. —_ Namjoon said and Jimin got up, looking uncomfortable. He passed Jin and Jungkook, taking two cans of beer from their hands.

Hoseok went outside the house with Jimin on his heels, listening someone asking if they were cock-block.

 _— Some problem? —_ Hoseok cleared his throat.

_— I appreciate your invitation, but ... I don’t think I can stay._

_— Why?_

_— I don’t want to bother anyone._

_— If it had bothered me I would not have invited you. —_ Jimin said. Hoseok opened his mouth, he didn't know what to say. _— If you don't want to stay it's ok, you can go._

Jimin held out a can of beer to Hoseok, who shook his head.

 _— I don't drink, thank you._ _—_ Jimin kept his arm stretched out until Hoseok gave up, picking up the can. _— I feel a bit uncomfortable._

 _— Uncomfortable? —_ Jimin sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall, opening the can that was still in his hand to drink a little. _—_ _Did you come to Busan to work and live in isolation? That seems a bit sad. —_ once again Hoseok was silent, sitting down next to Jimin. _— Drink it. Will help you._

Hoseok sighed when Jimin reached for his can to open it, then tasted the beer and made a face that made Jimin laugh a little.

_— It's just for tonight... Tomorrow I'm going to look for a job and a place to stay._

_— No need to hurry. —_ they were long minutes of silence and Hoseok started to familiarize himself with the taste of the alcohol after Jimin took more cans of beer for both.

_— Why do you live alone?_

_— Why? Do not know. I do not think I had any other choice._

_— And your parents?_

_— I don't know where they are. I haven't seen them for years._

_— Oh I got it. Did they move?_

_— I don't know... I think they went to China. They had plenty of money._

_— Then why... —_ Hoseok fell silent, swallowing the rest of the sentence, but Jimin laughed.

_— Why did they abandon me? Hm... I was a burden to them. They didn't need a son like me._

_— I'm so sorry._

_— Tsc. I learned to live alone after they left, anyway._

The door swung open with a thud that made Hoseok jump, but Jimin just stared at Taehyung, he seemed already somewhat drunk to react.

 _— Why are you here? —_  Jimin laughed, putting his arm around Hoseok's shoulder.

_— He wanted to talk._

_— I know... come and talk to everyone. We don’t bite. —_ Taehyung spoke directly to Hoseok this time.

Jimin leaned against the wall to get up, staggeringly and starting to laugh.

 _—_ _Come on, come on!_

They were sitting in a circle, all of them in the bed. They spoke loudly and laughed and even Hoseok felt really drunk.

 _—_ _You don't talk too much, Hoseok? —_ Jungkook kicked the Hoseok's foot. _—_ _Don't sleep._

 _—_ _I'm not sleeping._

_— You're drunk?_

_— He's not used to drinking or dealing with idiots like you. —_ Jimin grumbled.

 _— Oh, shut up! —_ Namjoon hit a pillow in Jimin that fell to the side, laughing and resting his head on Hoseok's lap who looked scared to the others, but no one seemed interested and only Jin looked at the two with a strange smile. He had not drunk and his gaze was steady.

 _— Where you from, Hoseok? —_ Jin asked.

_— I’m from Gwangju._

_— Why did you come to Busan?_

_— Job... I'm looking for a job._

_— And when did you meet Jimin?_

Hoseok felt his face warm when Jimin settled into his lap, turning his head to face Hoseok's belly.

_— Today…_

_— What? Today?_

_— Yes. —_ it was the first time everyone had stopped to look at them. _— On the train..._

 _— Wow! —_ Jin chuckled suspiciously. _— Hm... Namjoon?_

_— Yeah?_

_— We have to go home. —_ Jin stood up.

 _— What? Why? —_ Namjoon seemed sullenly.

_— I need to work tomorrow. Come on, come on! Well, see ya Hoseok, it was a pleasure to meet you._

Namjoon stood up annoyed and he and Jin left the house. Taehyung and Jungkook also said goodbye after some time and Taehyung had to support the younger one because he was really drunk.

The place was silent for a while. Jimin stretched, but did not get up, laughing a little at the sight of Hoseok's red face.

_— You are drunk?_

_— I don't know..._

_— Don't you know how to get drunk, right? Your face is red, you must be drunk. So... what do you think about them?_

_— They're cool. Hm... They are more friendly that Yoongi to be honest._

Jimin laughed again and continued to stare at him.

_— You must forgive him. Yoongi hyung is always frustrated with something, but over time you can get used to it. Hey?_

_— What?_

_— You need something?_

_— I don't think so... —_ Jimin sat up, combing his hair back with his fingers.

_— You're disappointed, right?_

_— Disappointed?_

_— I brought you here, but look at this! I don't even have a place to let you sleep comfortably. It's okay if you say that, because I don't even have some good food to offer you._

Hoseok swallowed, sighing before smiling and talking.

_— You offered me a place to stay and you don't even know me... I thank you for that._

Jimin smiled and looked very childish now. Hoseok could see how his personality changed constantly and he felt curious about it.

_— They liked you._

_— What?_

_— My friends. They liked you. They can be your friends too. I know you're a bit scared with all this mess, but if you really want a new beginning, you can't do it alone. It would be madness. —_ Hoseok closed his eyes, feeling even more dizzy with those thoughts.

 _— You're right. I think I had a bit of prejudice. I'm not used to it. I'm not used to drunken boys, wearing earrings or with colored hair. —_ Jimin laughed, digging his fingers through his hair to make them even more messy. _— I'm really sorry for the things I thought._

_— Don’t worry. Jin hyung also felt that way at first. He still seems a little lost sometimes, even after all this time._

_— Have not you known him for a long time? —_ Jimin shook his head.

 _— I met him when he went to live with Namjoon hyung. —_ Hoseok opened his eyes startled, glancing quickly at Jimin. _— It's not what you're thinking. Namjoon hyung knew him first. Jin hyung came to Busan to study, so they share the rent of an apartment._

 _— I see... Why did he bring food and leave it in the fridge? —_ Jimin swallowed, his face getting really red. _— Oh, I'm sorry, I don't want to sound nosy..._

_— Jin hyung brings food to me every week. I told he didn't need to, but he's amazing..._

_— He really seems to be a good person. —_ Jimin smiled uncomfortably.

 _— Sometimes I think he loves Namjoon. —_ Jimin said suddenly, clearly skewing the subject. _— I wish they would date, but I think Namjoon doesn't like this kind of thing, if you know what I mean..._

_— But Jin… He…?_

_— Ah, yeah, surely, yeah. —_ Jimin laughed. _— He never said “I’m gay”, but come on, it’s too obvious._

_— I got it… And the others?_

_— The others? They used to be discreet, especially Jungkook. I think he's ashamed to admit it._

_— He?_

_— You didn't notice? —_ Jimin asked.

 _— I do. —_ Hoseok answered clumsy.

_— Really?_

_— Yeah, I do. He and… I can’t remember his name, but…_

_— Taehyung? —_ Jimin smiled. _— They have been dating for some time, but they couldn't talk about it because Kook wasn't 18 yet. Damn child._

 _— And you? —_ Hoseok's eyes widened as he asked. He had not planned to ask a question like that and his face was burning again. _— I’m sorry._

 _— You're straight, right? —_ Jimin asked.

_— Me? Well... Ahn..._

_— Forget it! —_ Jimin laughed visibly embarrassed, then lay down, turning his back on Hoseok. _— Try to sleep, if you want to find a job you need at least a good night's sleep._

 

 

 

 

> _Feel my mind_
> 
> _Feel my heart_
> 
> _Opening my bag_
> 
> _Taking away my true self_
> 
> _How are you? I am fine_


	3. Does that make sense?

Hoseok woke up feeling sore and a bit sick. He wondered if it was such a hangover and would try not to drink it anymore.

He felt his arm being touched and get startled, turning his head to look at Jimin who leaned his forehead against his shoulder, still asleep. For a moment Hoseok had forgotten he was in bed with another guy.

He also wondered if this was how his new life would be: drunk and sleeping in a small bed with a completely unknown guy. He had to laugh not to feel so bad.

 _—_ _If you laugh at yourself I might be afraid of you. —_ Hoseok closed his eyes when Jimin spoke. _— What were you thinking about?_

 _— Nothing. —_ Jimin laughed.

_— You're flushed. Are you thinking about something dirt with me?_

Hoseok sat up suddenly and the malaise made his stomach turn. He rubbed his eyes, trying to pretend he was not about to vomit.

— Thank you for letting me stay here this night, but I am gonna leave now.

 _— You don't have to be so shy, you're not the first to have perverted thoughts with this pretty face. —_ Jimin laughed, sliding his fingers down his own cheek. Hoseok frowned, forcing himself to get up and then the floor seemed to rotate beneath his feet. He covered his mouth with one hand, leading the other hand to the stomach. Jimin also got up and although he had drunk more than Hoseok, he seemed totally fine. He held Hoseok around the waist and shoulder, pushing him into the bathroom. _— It's easier if you get on your knees._ — Jimin said.

Hoseok obeyed, kneeling. Jimin placed a hand on Hoseok's forehead, pulling the fringe back.

_— I don't want to vomit..._

_— You will feel better, I promise. —_ Hoseok stared at the bottom of the flush toilet for a long time. _— Don't you trust me?_

 _— Honestly? No, I don’t. —_ should sound like an offense, but Jimin laughed, because the next moment Hoseok was throwing up all the alcohol he had drunk in the last night.

Jimin gripped Hoseok harder, as if he knew how much his body was losing its strength.

 _— Can you get up? —_ Jimin asked and Hoseok nodded, pushing Jimin's hand away from his hip, straining to get up. Jimin leaned against the door, watching Hoseok go to the sink to wash his face and mouth. _— First hangover is just the same thing, you know? I thought I was going to die._

 _— I don't want to drink anymore. —_ Hoseok said and Jimin laughed.

_— I said that too. It's something everyone says..._

_— Hm. Can I use your bathroom to take a shower? —_ Hoseok mumbled.

_— Of course! Need a towel?_

_— Yes, please. —_ Jimin looked at Hoseok for a little while then left the bathroom, returning not long thereafter with a towel and Hoseok's backpack.

_— Need anything else?_

_— No._

_— Take your time._

_— Thank you._

Once again Jimin delayed to leave the bathroom, and soon afterwards Hoseok closed the door, feeling a little uncomfortable realizing that the door had no key.

The water in the shower was cold, but Hoseok was grateful. When he left the bathroom properly dressed, he saw Jimin put a bottle of milk on the table. There weren't many things and most were what Jin had brought last night.

 _— Eat something.­ —_ Jimin said.

_— I'm not hungry, thank you._

_— Even if you're not hungry, you need to eat something… —_ Jimin fell silent when the door opened and Yoongi entered. He did not seem to see Hoseok, or maybe his bad mood was constant.

 _— What are you doing here? —_ Jimin asked.

_— My mother was fucking with my mind._

_— Nothing new._

_— Hm. —_ Yoongi grabbed a slice of bread, tearing a few small pieces to eat, finally looking at Hoseok who was still standing at the bathroom door. Hoseok bowed respectfully, but Yoongi laughed, staring in disbelief at Jimin. _—  Really?_

 _— What?_ _—_ Jimin looked confused.

_— Why is this idiot here?_

_— He? He needed a place to stay. —_ Yoongi dropped the slice of bread, going to Hoseok and staring at him closely.

_— Are you a thief?_

_— Leave him alone. —_ Jimin muttered. _— He was going to stay out on the street._

 _— Are you a lady of charity now? —_ Jimin laughed, more interested in his glass of milk. _— Did you two have sex?_

 _— What? —_ it was Hoseok who asked, startled. Jimin stared at him for a while, then answered.

_— No, we didn’t._

_— Then why is he here? I know you well, Jiminnie._

_— I don't always have ulterior motives._

_— Hm... —_ Yoongi looked at Hoseok with contempt once more. Hoseok wrapped the wet towel in his arms, turning to Jimin to curtsy.

_— Thanks for letting me stay here._

Jimin laughed.

_— How much will you still thank me? By the way, don't talk so formally with me. Which year were you born?_

_— Ah... 1994._

_— May I call you hyung? Hoseok hyung? —_ Jimin smiled, but Hoseok could not react. Yoongi, who was watching the scene, frowned.

_— Aish... What an asshole!_

_— Fuck off you jerk! —_ Jimin said, then pointed his finger to Hoseok. _— You do not have to thank me all the time._

 _—_ _It's just... because I'm leaving._

 _— Leaving? —_ Jimin looked sad. _— You don’t need to go… I mean, you still don’t have a place to stay nor a job._

_— It’s okay, I'm confident that I can do it today._

_— What about if I can’t? Do you want me to go with you? You not even know how to walk around Busan._

_— Don’t worry, I can…_

_— I'll get a coat. Do you want a coat too? You come with us, hyung?_ _—_ Jimin asked to Yoongi, but turned his back on him before he could answer. _— Okay, come on._

Hoseok mentally thanked the coat because it was getting cold. It was too large for Jimin, who was small, so he thought it was probably someone else's.

Jimin and Yoongi walked ahead, always arguing about something. It would be strange to look for a job with those two near by, but he had to admit that he could not walk around.

Jimin lived in a peripheral area and was considerably far from the center of Busan, which was busy, too tumultuous.

 _— You really do not have the money for a taxi? —_ Jimin had been complaining since they left the house.

 _— I told you, I'm grounded, my mother will not give me money. —_ Yoongi answered.

_— If you're grounded, why are you here?_

_— There's a window in my room, if you know what I mean. Can’t you walk?_

_— I'm hung over. We're hung over, right, hyung? —_ Jimin stopped, grabbing Hoseok's neck.

 _— And you're going to look for a job while you're hungover? No one will hire you. —_ Yoongi laughed staring at Hoseok.

 _— Oh, very encouraging. Thank you, hyung. Thank you. —_ Jimin said with a laugh, but stopped when Hoseok also laughed. _— Oh... you're laughing! You're really laughing! Honestly, you're really handsome, hyung, maybe they'll hire you in some cafe._

Hoseok had already lost count of how often Jimin had made his face warm. Why did he keep saying things like that?

 _— Don't say things like that, Jiminnie, Hoseok isn't used to it. —_ Yoongi said looking at Hoseok's red face, then laughed.

 

 

 

They walked during all morning, but no establishment seemed willing to hire, and many of them did not even attend Hoseok. He had to use the rest of his money to buy lunch for the three of them, and Jimin seemed strangely excited about it.

 _— That means you're not leaving, right? —_ Jimin said, he ate with gusto while Yoongi just stirred the food.

 _— I still have the whole afternoon. —_ Hoseok answered, he also stirred the food, but he had not even tasted it.

_— Do you plan to continue for today? Oh... My feet are hurting._

_—_ _You don’t have to continue. —_ Jimin lifted his head to face Hoseok, who averted his eyes quickly.

 _— Hm... All right, I can continue. —_ the silence that came after that was unpleasant.

Hoseok noticed that Yoongi was constantly staring at him, then looked away calmly.

 _— You will not find a job here. Maybe you should go on the other side of town tomorrow. —_ Yoongi said, pushing the food away and facing Hoseok again. _— It's useless to just walk around._

 _— Even this dumb hyung knows it's not worth it. —_ Jimin said distracted with his food.

 _— Then why did you bring me here? —_ Hoseok sounded indignant.

 _— What? —_ Hoseok frowned when Jimin opened his mouth but saying nothing. Jimin's cell phone rang and he answered quickly, his expression making his relief clear. _— Hello. In the shed? For what? Right... He is here._ _—_ He looked up at Hoseok. _— Okay. We're at Gukbap *. Okay._

 _— Who was? —_ Yoongi asked.

_— Namjoon hyung._

_— He wants to go to the shed now? He’s crazy?_

_— He said it's Jin's birthday, you know that? He bought meat. You're coming with us, right? —_ Jimin asked to Hoseok. _— He's coming to get us._

 _— I don’t know. —_ Hoseok said.

 _— Jin hyung will be sad if you don't go with us. —_ Hoseok dropped the hashi on the table, sighing. _— You can search for a job tomorrow._

Hoseok thought for a while. Maybe he should do it for Jin, since he was a good person.

_— Ok. But tomorrow I'm going to look for a job alone._

The shed was a far, old place. Hoseok deduced that he did not belong to any of them, since they had to jump the gate to enter.

 _— What is this place? —_ Hoseok asked quietly and Jimin laughed.

 _— How should I explain? —_ they walked around of the shed to reach the backyard where there was shade and two old sofas. Taehyung and Jungkook were already there and the youngest was lying on the other's lap.

The two stopped talking when the other boys arrived and Jungkook sat down looking embarrassed, though Taehyung continued to act normally.

 _— I was about to leave. —_ it was Taehyung who complained before looking at Hoseok and smiling. _— Hey, you're still here._

 _— Hi... —_ Taehyung stood up, hugging Hoseok.

_— Sit down. Want a drink?_

_— No thank you. —_ Hoseok answered quickly, shaking hands in the air, but the next moment he was surprised by a can of beer that Jimin put in his hand.

 _— It's our rule. —_ Jimin said. _— And if you don't get drunk you have to pay a gift._

 _— We don’t have this kind of rule, what you… —_ Taehyung started to speak, but Jimin nudged his ribs.

 _— Drink it! It's not always that you're going to find someone to buy you a drink. —_ Hoseok stared at the can, sighing and surrendering.

_— Okay..._

_— Great!_

Hoseok had thought about it all last night, and maybe it was not such a bad thing. He hadn't friends in Gwangju, only his own sister, and his life there was all about working and studying.

He would like to continue like this.

He did not ask to meet any of those misfits boys, but the recent events pushed him to that.

Was he a misfit boy, too?

Some time ago he did not approve that kind of behavior. He saw mush of it at the school where he studied, boys and girls spoiling their lives with drinks, cigarettes and drugs, but then he was there about to get drunk for the second night in a row.

Was it ok if he did not feel guilty enough?

Since everything had gone wrong in his life, last night had been the most fun and he could finally think about nothing.

No nightmares, no sad thoughts.

 

 

 

It was already night when Hoseok stepped away from the noise that others made. He leaned against the fence to sit on a wooden platform, felt dizzy and numb.

There was no light in the shed, but luckily the moonlight was clear.

Taehyung was lying down, completely obliterated in Jungkook's lap, who although was drunk, he was still conscious. Jimin and Namjoon was dancing some pop music that played on one cell phone. Jimin danced well, but Namjoon was funny. Jin was sitting, but he laughed at the other two, he did not drink and at certain times he seemed a bit lost.

Hoseok understood him from the bottom of his heart.

They were so different from each other. It was strange to watch the way they matched, as if one were completing the other.

 _— Drunk? —_ Hoseok got out of his thoughts when he saw Jin sitting next to him, handing him a new can of beer.

_— I didn't see you approaching._

_— I scared you? I'm sorry._

_— Don't worry. I think I'm a bit drunk. —_ Hoseok tapped on his own cheeks and Jin laughed.

 _— It must be strange to you, is not it? —_ Hoseok looked at him without understand. _—_ _But it's strange just at the beginning, then you get used to it. They are good people._

 _— I know that. —_ they were silent as Hoseok opened the can of beer.

 _— Jiminnie looks happy as I haven't seen for some time. —_ Jin said suddenly.

_— Nothing is happening between us._

_— Hey, I did not say that! —_ Jin laughed again.

_— It's just that everyone suddenly thinks... You know what I mean._

_— I know... But I'm serious about it. Maybe he's glad he's not alone anymore._

_— But he wasn't alone, he has you and others._

_— Not all the time._

_— And why would he need someone all the time? —_ Jin stared at him, then laughed uneasily.

_— Nothing._

_— May I ask you something?_

_— Of course._

_— Why do you buy food for him? I mean... He's healthy, isn't he? He can work and buy food._

_— He should not? —_ Jin laughed, shrugging. _— Is it okay if I don't answer you? Well, that's personal, I don't feel entitled to tell you._

Hoseok opened his mouth, but for a time he did not know what to say.

_— Right._

_— I’m sorry._

_— It's all right. —_ they were silent again, and Hoseok noticed Jin's gaze turning to Namjoon for a long time.

 _— Why don't you tell it to him? —_ Hoseok asked.

 _— What? —_ Jin's fright was genuine.

_— Namjoon. You should tell him how you feel._

Jin looked shocked.

_— Is that so obvious?_

_— Sometimes._

Jin grunted, covering his face with his hands.

_— Oh, this is so embarrassing..._

_— Sorry to talk about it._

_— Tsc ... —_ Jin sighed. _— Don't worry. Talk to him about it? I don't think so... He likes girls._

_— Well, at least you'll feel better, I guess._

_— Have you done this before? —_ Hoseok choked on the beer and Jin laughed, sighing after a while. _— Can you ask him to come here?_

 _— Really? —_ Hoseok asked and Jin nodded. Hoseok waited for him to say something else, but the other was silent. _— Right._

Hoseok stood up and staggered to the couch, tossing the empty can into the brass they used as a dump.

 _— Oh my God, you look so drunk! —_ Jimin hung on Hoseok's neck, which had to hold him so they would not fall.

_— Namjoon, Jin wants... Jin hyung wants to talk to you._

_— Oh, “hyung”? —_ Namjoon laughed. _— I'm glad you're feeling better now._

Hoseok smiled sheepishly, shaking his head as Namjoon turned off the music on his cell phone, walking up to Jin, who waited in the dark.

 _— Did I miss something? —_ Jimin stared at Jin as Namjoon sat down next to him. _— What does Jin hyung want to talk about?"_

Hoseok shrugged.

_— You know._

_— I know? Wait... Is this about "that thing" I've told you?_

_— Yes —_ Jimin laughed.

 _— What the fuck? Are you a cupid?_ _—_ Then Jimin pulled Hoseok to the couch, forcing him to sit down, then threw himself at his side, laying his head on Hoseok's lap. Hoseok was still uncomfortable with it. Jimin lay down very close...

After a while Namjoon got up from where he was. Hoseok can’t help but look and Jin kept his face in his hands. He was crying. Maybe it had not really been a good idea, since he'd only cried since they'd started talking.

 _— Is he okay? —_ it was Jimin who asked and Hoseok did not even know he was paying any attention.

 _— He's drunk. —_ Namjoon laughed, but looked sad. _— It's the first time he drinks like this, I think I'm going to take him home. —_ then he looked at Hoseok. _— Hey, thanks for talking to him, I did not really know._

_— It's all right. I hope he's okay with it, and also you._

_— Don't worry, I'm okay with it. He'll be fine too, I'll not let him suffer for it. —_ Hoseok nodded when Namjoon stepped away. He continued to watch when Jin laid his head on Namjoon's shoulder, looking into any dark corner. Namjoon also leaned his head on Jin's head and they didn't talk.

It was sad to look at.

 _— Hyung? —_ the groaned voice drew Hoseok's attention back to Jimin who still had his head on Hoseok's lap. _— Do you want to go home?"_

 _— Yes, I wa... —_ Jimin suddenly stretched out his arm, touching Hoseok's face that widened his eyes and caught his breath, shutting up without even finishing the word. Jimin took some dirt out of Hoseok's face and threw it aside, then lifted his body to sit down.

Yoongi looked at the two of them, more specifically at Hoseok who didn't realize it because he still looked shocked.

 _— Hyung? —_ Jimin called and Yoongi took a moment to look at him. _— You want to come with us?_

Yoongi shook his head, then stood up, turning his back on them all to walk away.

 

 

 

Hoseok opened the door with difficulty, trying to hold Jimin. When had he gotten so drunk, if half an hour ago he looked so good?

Jimin was small, but his body was heavy. Especially when he hung around Hoseok's neck.

 _— Aigoo... Thank you for bringing me home, hyung. —_ Jimin said.

_— You're welcome._

_— You're drunk too, right? Woah... It's so cool to come home drunk, is not it?_

_— Oh, sure. —_ Jimin was laughing.

_— Hyung... Can you help me in the shower?_

_— What?_ _—_ Hoseok was startled.

_— Please..._

_— Don’t even think about it!_

_— Hyung… —_ Jimin's voice grew squeaky once more as he hugged Hoseok by the neck. _— Did you see? I can't even stand._

Hoseok felt embarrassed by the closeness, but to Jimin it seemed very natural.

 _— Okay, I can put you under the shower, but that's all. —_ Jimin didn’t answer and his head resting on Hoseok's shoulder indicated that he might be unconscious. _— Damn it..._

Hoseok had to guide Jimin into the bathroom, trying to balance himself as he walked backwards. He pulled Jimin into the shower, leaning against the wall to support himself as he turned on the shower. It was hard to think because he was drunk too.

When the cold water fell on orange hair, Jimin got frightened, hugging Hoseok harder and the boy couldn't bear the weight, falling down and holding Jimin by the arms so that he didn't hit the ground so abruptly.

Jimin put both hands on the wet floor, taking time to speak.

 _— I'm sorry. Are you hurt? —_ Jimin asked and Hoseok shook his head, laughing.

 _— No. I'm not hurt. —_ Jimin also laughed, resting his head on Hoseok's chest who felt uncomfortable, but remained silent.

_— Hyung?_

_— Hum?_

_— I think... —_ he paused, laughing again, before raising his head to look Hoseok in the eye. _— I think I like you._

Jimin stared at him. Hoseok did not react, so Jimin moved a little closer, letting his lips rest against his.

Hoseok's eyes widened, gripping Jimin's arm tightly as he felt Jimin's icy hand on his face. Hoseok didn't know what to do. It was the first time he had kissed someone and he didn't know what to feel either.

Jimin was also a boy and that was wrong.

 _— Don't reject me yet, please... —_ Jimin whispered before Hoseok could even close his eyes. _— Just let me do this, just one more minute._

The two stared at each other for a while, then Jimin pulled Hoseok's legs to sit on his lap.

 _— Jimin… —_ Jimin silent him with one more kiss, sticking his fingers in his hair.

Hoseok didn't know what to do or where to put his hands. He didn't know if he should continue kissing Jimin or if he should push him away and say that it was wrong. His mind was blank partly because of alcohol, but also because of the shook.

He didn't realize when his hands gripped Jimin's hip, pulling him closer to embrace him, still awkwardly. Hoseok was surprised because he was liking to kiss Jimin.

Should he use the excuse that he was drunk to enjoy the moment? Perhaps...

 _— If I only knew... —_ Jimin stopped the kiss, resting his forehead on Hoseok's. _— that you could mess so much with my head in such a short time... This is driving me crazy. —_ Jimin laughed, looking embarrassed. _— I think I finally reached rock bottom._

Jimin slipped from Hoseok's lap, sitting down on the floor and dared to hold Hoseok's hand, trapping fingers to his. Hoseok kept his gaze on the opposite wall, his half-open mouth pulling the air tightly.

 _— That's why you gave me a place to stay... Right? —_ Hoseok asked.

_— I'm sorry._

_— You planned it?_

_— Speaking like that makes it look like an evil plan..._

_— You planned it..._

Jimin laughed again.

 _— Okay, maybe... At first I thought you were just an idiot. I wanted you to get drunk and then we could have sex... What harm would it do? It wouldn't be the first time. I really am that kind of bitch. —_ Jimin was silent for a long time. _— I didn't plan to fall in love with you._

_— Fall in love?_

_— I don't know. I don't know how feels to be in love... You know? —_ Hoseok shook his head. _— I don't know either, I don't know if this can happen so fast, but I think it's like this... I feel really silly, so it must be love. —_ both laughed, but Hoseok looked very nervous and his fingers intertwined with Jimin's trembled slightly. _— I'm afraid you're going to leave. I feel good because you're here and I'm so afraid of having to watch you go away. —_ those moments of silence were completely unpleasant, and Jimin continued to play with Hoseok's fingers.

_— But you don't even know me... I don't know you._

_— I know. I'm completely crazy, I guess. But it seems so different to me now. You're unlike anything I know... I feel very good with you, but I will understand if you don't want it. I want to, but I do understand and I hope you dont get mad at me._

_— I'm not mad about you. It's just... I've never... I've never kissed anyone before._

Jimin laughed.

_— I'm sorry, I didn’t know._

_— It's okay._

_— Is it okay that I was the first?_

_— Yes, I think so. But I still do not know how I should feel about it._ _—_ they were silent for a while. Jimin sobbed and sometimes gasped and Hoseok knew he was swallowing the cry, even as he laughed. _— You know... I've never been interested in a girl before... But to be honest I don't know if that's what I want._

 _— I get it. —_ Jimin said and his voice sound reallr sad.

_— I'm so sorry._

_— Okay, I understand. —_ Jimin tried to loosen the fingers, but Hoseok held them tightly and Jimin looked at him.

Hoseok stretched his free arm to turn off the shower that still poured water over them, then pulled Jimin's hand into his lap and he quickly understood, laying his head on Hoseok's shoulder.

Never in life Hoseok had felt so confused. His heart said everything was fine, but his mind kept screaming that it was wrong.

 

 

> _Listen!_
> 
> _Does that make sense? Does that make sense to you?_
> 
> _For thinking that our love could change so easily_
> 
> _For trying to look good for no one knows_
> 
> _When I meet you, just to see one of your expressions, makes me want to cry now_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Ironically there is even a restaurant that links Guk + BAP


	4. Interlude*: dream, reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Interlude meaning:
> 
> In music it is an instrumental composition with the function of separating musical parts, in the figurative sense it is the lapse of time that interrupts provisionally something
> 
> Hey, another chapter. I'm trying to do this faster because I received comments that motivated me to continue. But first I have a question: is it easy to understand? I mean, my English and also dialogues with "—" and not quotation marks. 
> 
> This is the structure of Brazilian romanticism. We who speak Portuguese understand this structure without any problem, but I know that people outside Brazil are not used to it (someone said me that some time ago). I really hope its possible to understand well.
> 
> Now about the plot: Fills me with hope until now was soft and cute, I guess, but from this chapter we will begin to know heavier and sad situations. Our cute couple will know more about reality and see that "life is not a fairytale".
> 
> I hope you are ready! ♥

One more day lost. Hoseok felt sick from the hangover again. The light indicated that it was already day.

Hoseok moved his body hoping to touch Jimin at any moment, but realized he was alone. He sighed, sitting down and picked up his cell phone to confirm that it was already 13pm.

He didn’t feel as dizzy as the first hangover, but his body ached with the same intensity. Saw some things on the table, looked like food, but it had no smell.

Hoseok rubbed his face, trying to get away from sleep, then reached for the toothbrush in his backpack and headed for the bathroom. He opened the door without knocking before and was startled to see Jimin there, he was hurriedly closing the door with an apology, but opened it again, looking at Jimin for a while.

Jimin was sitting on the floor near the toilet. He was shrunken and looked unconscious. The smell in the bathroom was strong and sweet, Hoseok didn't know, but it made his head ache.

 _— Jimin? —_ Hoseok called but Jimin didn't move, so Hoseok get closer, lowering in front of Jimin. _— Jimin?_

Jimin opened his eyes when Hoseok touched his arm. His body reacted with a spasm of fright. Jimin's face was swollen, red and wet, as if he had cried, and his eyes were red and the pupils dilated.

 _— I'm sorry... —_ Jimin whispered holding Hoseok's hand, but didn't look at him. _— I'm sorry..._

_— Are you okay?_

_— I'm sorry, mama... I'm so sorry... —_ Jimin grabbed Hoseok's shirt.

 _— Jimin? —_ Hoseok tried to pull away when Jimin started to cry.

 _— I swear I'll be a good boy. —_ Jimin shrank more, covering his face with his hands _— Please... Don't leave me, I want to be with you..._

Hoseok pulled Jimin's hands, holding them between his.

 _— Jimin, it's me, Hoseok. Look at me. —_ Jimin obeyed, stared at him for a while, sobbing and shaking, then looked at his hands hidden by Hoseok's hands. _— What happened? Are you alright? Were you having a nightmare?_

Jimin's head lolled forward and his breath was forced. Hoseok tried to pull him, then stood up with him on his lap, leading him back to the bed.

Jimin cringed again as he leaned against the mattress and covered his head with his arms. Hoseok noticed the tips of his fingers that were red and burned, but he didn't know what to think about it.

 _— I'm hungry... —_ Jimin whispered.

Hoseok looked at Jimin for a little longer, then sat down next to him.

 _— What happened? —_ Jimin stared at him, then pressed his face against the mattress. _— It's what I'm thinking, right? Do you smoke marijuana?_

Jimin was silent, he was crying again.

_— Don't hate me…_

_— I don't hate you, it's okay. But why do you do that?_

_— Is it okay if we talk about it later?_

_— It's all right. Just don't scare me like that again._

_— I'm sorry, I should have told you... I was afraid you didn't want to stay here anymore._

Hoseok reached for Jimin's hair, but recoiled before touching him. He was not sure about what he must to do.

_— These things are strange to me... And  it will make you sick._

_— I know... —_ Jimin pushed his face away from the mattress, but didn't dare look at Hoseok. _— It makes me forget things most of the time, but it also brings me bad memories. I can't stop..._

_— Jin hyung told me... You can't be alone. Why? It's because of that?_

Jimin laughed.

_\- Damn him. He cares too much._

_— He sounded serious about it, but he didn't tell me, he said he had no right to tell me. — Hoseok said and Jimin sighed. — He really is an incredible guy._

_— Hyung... I swear I'll tell you anything you want to know later. I'm not really sure what we're talking about._

Hoseok laughed. Jimin's voice was choked and he seemed a little distant.

_— What... What's the feeling? I mean... smoking marijuana._

Jimin sat up, rubbing his eyes and laughing.

_— It's funny. Do you want to try?_

_— No, I was just curious._

_— Are you sure? Hm... The feeling? It's a little hard to think. —_ Jimin laughed again, his mood constantly changing. _— My head... It's all slow here inside... It seems like I'm in another world._

 _— Is this funny? —_ Hoseok asked.

_— It is funny. Everything looks funny. I don't know how to explain..._

_— I think I understand._

_— No, no. You can only understand if you try... —_ Jimin toyed with his toes. _— Sometimes I want to stop thinking about something, so I smoke, but I end up thinking even more..._

 _— Did you want to stop thinking about something this time? —_ Hoseok asked without really considering the answer since now he thought about too many things either.

 _— I wanted to stop thinking about what happened yesterday. In the bathroom... —_ Jimin answered too quickly. He looked at Hoseok for a while, then laughed, lowering his head. _— I'm not going to talk about it, do not worry. Are you going to look for a job today again?_

Jimin was also quick when he changed the subject, then fell back on the bed.

_— No._

_— So what do you want to do? —_ Hoseok sighed and Jimin sat down suddenly, smiling. _— Do you want to get to the downtown?_

_— What?_

_— Let's go! —_ Jimin who was melancholy and affected by marijuana had disappeared, giving way to an super excited Jimin. He jumped off the bed, pulling Hoseok by the arm.

_— Jimin? Wait..._

_— What?_

_— I don't even brushed my teeth or anything._

_— Uh... All right! All right! Do it. You ate?_

_— No..._

_— Then eat. Let's walk a lot, you need to be strong. Go! Go! Go!_

Hoseok laughed as he was shoved into the bathroom. Jimin was definitely the strangest person he had ever met.

 

 

 

 

 _— These are the most expensive shops in Busan. —_ Jimin said and pointed to the opposite side of the street. _— But they have the best clothes, for sure._

_— How do you know they're expensive?_

_— My mother bought there. —_ Hoseok stared at him for a long time. _— Jin hyung also buys there sometimes. Have you seen how he dresses well?_

 _— You don't really know where she is? Your mother, I mean. —_ Jimin stuck his hands in the pockets of his jacket and kept looking straight ahead as he walked.

_— I don't know. My stepfather had business in China, so they should be there._

_— I understand…_

_— They must live well, he had a lot of money._

_— And you never saw her again?_

Jimin shook his head, confirming.

_— And what about you?_

_— What?_

_— You didn’t tell me anything about you. I still think you're running away from something. Are you?_

Hoseok laughed, but he was nervous.

_— Why I'd be running away? I told you, I came to look for a job._

_— You're so clichéd, hyung. You could be the protagonist of a drama. —_ Jimin grabbed Hoseok's arm. _— I would like to be living in a drama now. We would certainly be the suffering couple._

_— You keep saying those things._

_— I'm sorry. I know you're not used to it, but when I see it I've already said._

_— It's all right. —_ they continued to walk arm in arm, even though people stared at them with disapproval.

_— Are you hungry?_

_— Not really._

_— Ok... Why don't you wait for me there? I'll get something._

_— "Get something"?_

_— Yes. Wait for me there. —_ Jimin pointed to the porch of a shop ahead.

Hoseok obeyed, walking to the porch. When he stopped and looked back, he could no longer see Jimin anywhere on the street. And it was not long before Jimin reappeared, but now he was running.

 _— RUN! RUN! RUN! —_ He was screaming, but he was laughing too. He had something in his arms, but Hoseok had no time to see. Jimin grabbed his wrist and started to pull him away.

 _— What is going on? —_ Hoseok was beginning to feel out of breath, but Jimin just ran.

A man followed them for a while, also running and screaming, but he was no longer behind them. Jimin just stopped running when they reached an old abandoned train station. Hoseok rested his hands on his knees, breathing heavily.

_— I thought that man wasn't going to run that much._

_— What did you do?_

_— I just got something for us. —_ Jimin said sitting down on the floor near the old box office.

 _— "Got it"? Did you steal it? —_ Hoseok looked at him in surprise.

_— It's just candies. It's not like it's the first time, okay? It's all right. You don't want?_

_— But it's stolen._

_— I swear it tastes even better._

Hoseok sat down next to Jimin, still trying to catch his breath, accepting a chocolate that Jimin handed to him.

 _— When I mentioned "changing my life" I wasn't referring to steal candies. —_ Jimin laughed.

_— You really want this?_

_— What?_

_— This "life changing" thing? It's sounds so uthopic. Real life is not a fairy tale, hyung._

Hoseok laughed, staring at the little piece of chocolate in his hands.

_— If I didn't think that way, I don't think I'd even be here._

_— You'd be fine. You're better than me, but I'm still here, right? —_ Jimin said.

_— Eh! I don't think I'm better than you, or that you're better than me. I don't think you're weak or anything, although I don't know you, I think you are..._

Jimin chuckled and Hoseok fell silent.

_— You keep saying you don't know me, it's a bit uncomfortable._

_— I'm sorry. —_ Hoseok asked ashamed.

_— Okay, it's true anyway. Sometimes I forget that we met only a few days ago. I think I'm getting too attached to you._

Hoseok stared at Jimin for a while and let him hold his face, approaching to kiss him. He was not sure yet how to react, but he didn't want to stop Jimin from kissing him, so he just closed his eyes.

Maybe he liked it. Maybe he was gay. Maybe he was developing feelings for Jimin. But he still felt too confused to decide what was right or wrong.

Hoseok felt that Jimin sometimes stop kissing him, as if he was expecting something. What did Jimin want? That he take initiative and start to control things? Apparently... But Hoseok didn't know how to do that.

When he felt Jimin's hand touching his leg, he took courage to hold his face. He felt Jimin sigh between their mouths and wondered if they felt the same kind of relief.

But the next moment he felt Jimin's hands flattening his chest to push him away. He would have asked if he had done something wrong, but Jimin was pale and frightened.

 _— Run! —_ Jimin whispered, pushing Hoseok one more time. _— Come on Hoseok, get out of here!_

 _— Why are you doing this? —_ they were silent when Hoseok finally heard footsteps and voices approaching.

 _— “Are you sure you saw him come in here?” —_ the voice they heard was grave, but very soft. Another voice answered the first.

_— “Yes sir. He ran in with another guy.”_

_— There's someone coming..._ — Hoseok commented, and Jimin started to cry.

_— Please, get out of here... Please..._

_— Ah! Here are you, Park. —_ Jimin stared at Hoseok for a while longer. Hoseok then looked at the man standing behind Jimin. _— Looks like I messed up your date, I'm sorry, I promise I'll not take much of your time._

Jimin stood up, turning to face the man who was talking and the five others men who accompanied him. Hoseok also got up without understanding what was happening.

The man wore a huge, heavy fur coat, had earrings dangling from his ears, and wore dark makeup on his eyes. The rest of the group was also peculiar, dark and torn clothes, but they seemed to have lots of money. A gang? Mafia?

 _— Bang… —_ Jimin started to speak, but the next moment he fell to the ground, knocked down because the man punched him in the face.

Hoseok was startled. He tried to crouch down near Jimin who had blood on his nose, but someone kicked him in the stomach, knocking him down.

 _— DON'T TOUCH HIM! HIMCHAN HYUNG, DON'T HURT HIM! —_ Jimin sat down, was crying. He tried to crawl over to Hoseok, but Bang caught him, pulling at the collar of his shirt. Himchan was the man who had kicked Hoseok, he was looking at Jimin with a grin on his face.

 _— If I were you, I would just worry about myself right now, Park. —_ Himchan said.

 _— He has nothing to do with it. Let him go, please... —_ Jimin asked, he seemed desperate.

 _— Don't let him watch the show? I don't like it. —_ Himchan pulled Hoseok's hair, putting him to his knees as he pulled a gun from the waistband of his pants to aim at Hoseok's head. At the same moment three of the other four men besides Bang and Himchan walked away and disappeared from view, probably to watch the entrances of the place, while the fourth man stood nearby. He held a thick baseball bat.

Jimin also got down on his knees, turning to Bang this time. His palms were together, begging.

 _— Please... —_ Bang also pulled out a gun, pointing to Jimin's forehead, who closed his eyes.

 _— You know why you're on your knees now, right, Park? —_ Jimin nodded, choking on the crying, and blood was still dripping from his nose. Bang bent down, gripping his face and forcing Jimin to face him. _— Ah, you know! You know I don't like to do that, do you? I'm a peaceful man. I just want you to pay what you owe me._

 _— You also know that if he bursts his head here, no one will hear and no one will find you? —_ Himchan said, the cynical smile lingering on his face. Bang also smiled and continued to stare at Jimin closely.

_— I really don't want to have to do this, but Himchan is right. So... What should we do?_

_— I will pay..._ _—_ Jimin said and his voice was trembling.

_— I can no longer count on my fingers how many times you said that, which is a problem._

_— I'm trying to raise money... —_ Jimin sighed heavily, as if he had difficulty breathing.

Bang frowned in disappointment, then stood up. He kicked Jimin's chest with his heavy shoe, throwing him back.

 _— Moon! —_ Bang reached out and the other man handed the baseball bat to him. _— I hope that's enough, but next time I will not be so nice to you. Can we stay that way?_

Hoseok screamed as Bang hit Jimin with the baseball bat, but Himchan tugged his hair harder, tapping the cold barrel at his temple just to remember that he still had a gun pointed at his head.

 _— Stay quiet if you don't want to end up like him. —_ Hoseok was crying, but he was afraid to scream again.

He was forced to watch everything.

Jimin's body seemed to quiver at every stroke, but he was not responding, he just lay there, covering his head with his arms.. The sound of the blows were dry, severe. Jimin started to bleed and his clothes were ripping where the baseball bat was beating more than three times.

It was only a few minutes, but to Hoseok seemed like hours, days, months ... He didnt notice when Himchan released him. The sound of the blows continued to ring in his head, but he saw Bang move away, handing the bat to the man called Moon again.

He stayed on his knees and weeping for a long time, until he felt courage to approach Jimin, who was crying lying with his back to Hoseok.

 _— Jimin? —_ it was useless. Fear had carried his voice away, so he nudged the Jimin's shoulder, swaying him lightly. _—  Jimin?_

 _— I told you to run... —_ Jimin leaned heavily on his elbows, trying to sit down, but only succeeded when Hoseok supported him. _— Did they hurt you?_

Jimin reached out to touch Hoseok's belly, where Himchan kicked him. He was swallowing the cry and his voice sounded too serious. His nose and mouth were bleeding and swollen, his shirt as well as his jacket torn and there was a lot of blood.

 _— I'm fine. You have to go to a hospital... —_ Jimin shook his head denying, trying to get up and being held by Hoseok.

_— I wanna go home._

_— You can't go home, you have to go to a hosp —_ Jimin pushed Hoseok away and staring at him with a frown.

"Why was he acting that way?" Hoseok thought.

 _— Do you have any money? DO YOU HAVE MONEY? I'm not going to fucking hospital because I don't have money. I DON'T HAVE MONEY TO PAY THIS SHIT. Are you going to pay the hospital bill for me? OR ARE YOU GOING TO CALL JIN HYUNG AND HE WILL COME RUNNING TO PAY? —_ Jimin was crying again and Hoseok watched him cover his face with his hands. He was going to fall again, but Hoseok held him, hugging him carefully, afraid of hurting him even more. _— I want to go home... Please..._

Hoseok said nothing else, rested Jimin's arms on his shoulder to carry him on his own backs to out of that place.

 

 

 

> _You stole my mind_
> 
> _My heart and now I'm dying_
> 
> _I see you in other day and you seem to be fine_
> 
> _Now you come back to my mind_
> 
> _Please don't stop, just put me on top_
> 
> _Even with the sad colors you bring, I still want to like you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost sure you all know BAP, right? Anyway I will let here some images to help you to imagine our "bad guys" ♥
> 
> Bang: https://38.media.tumblr.com/3f1442e969bfae4e13446e7b0fa90eb8/tumblr_inline_npxzg8174X1rgs96a_500.gif
> 
> Himchan: https://data.whicdn.com/images/57315124/original.gif
> 
> Moon: https://25.media.tumblr.com/7687390a727700a80c229fd2d15849fc/tumblr_mi4kmlHvJN1qdbgylo1_500.gif
> 
> The other three men   
> Daehyun: http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/33600000/-Daehyun-One-Shot-MV-daehyun-33608206-500-500.gif  
> Youngjae: https://68.media.tumblr.com/68751f470503e54df3c8594da932ecd5/tumblr_milf3hupk81qab1hdo1_500.gif  
> Junhong: https://31.media.tumblr.com/1b6cf1eb2467cad68f324bc0fd642637/tumblr_inline_ngj77akIQc1sd6yv4.gif


	5. Still wishing there will be better days

 

 _— Hoseok? Are you awake?_ _—_ Hoseok heard Jimin's voice, but he didn't know if he was dreaming. He was sitting on the floor, with his head resting on his knees, his stomach aching from the kick and also beucause of hunger.

Jimin had slept all day and Hoseok didn’t know if that was good. And if he had taken blows to the head? What if he was dying? He thought about calling Jin and asking for help, but he did not know what to do.

Hoseok started to cry again, covering his face to stifle the cry. So things would be like this?

His new life would be like this. What was he imagining then? He didn't have the money to buy some food, he didn't have a home or a family. He was a young man with no expectation that would live the rest of his life being neglected and overcome by fear of being killed at the next corner.

It would definitely be his new life.

 _— Hoseok? —_ he heard Jimin calling once more, and this time looked at him startled.

 _— You woke up? —_ Hoseok wiped his tears, getting up and kneeling on the bed to straighten the pillow and help Jimin sit down. _— Do you feel better? You slept all day, I was worried._

 _— I'm fine. —_ it was obvious he was not fine. There were purple and bruised marks all over his body and he was still filthy with blood. _— Did you tell it to anyone?_

Hoseok shook his head, staring at him sadly.

_— But I don’t understand..._

_— This wasn't the first time, okay? And will not be the last. There is no need to tell anyone, will just leave everyone worried. —_ Hoseok continued to stare at him and Jimin sighed, looking away. _— I'm sorry for yelling at you..._

_— No problem..._

_— And I'm sorry, I didn't want you to see that. —_ Jimin sighed again swallowing the crying. _— Because of me they pointed a gun to your head._

_— It's okay, don't worry about it. Who were they? You called that man "hyung"._

_— He used to be a nice guy before he met Bang._

_— He looked kind of crazy, actually. —_ Jimin laughed.

_— I think he's affected ..._

_— Affected? —_ Jimin stared at him for a long time, the smile fading from his face.

_— Bang is a drug dealer._

_— Drug dealer? That means that what you owe him is..._

_— Yes. Drugs. My debt to him is drugs. I'm sorry for involving you in this..._

_— It's all right. —_ Hoseok said, but Jimin shook his head.

_— It's not right, hyung... Now they're going to torment you too._

_— I can imagine. It's okay, really. I believe things happen when, where and how they should happen._

Jimin laughed, wincing in pain then.

_— You're so witty._

Hoseok was silent, the expression on his face saying that he seemed to try to make a difficult decision, so he sighed, pulling Jimin's hand to comfort between his own.

Jimin stared at Hoseok in confusion, but his eyes were filled with tears. Hoseok took a deep breath a few more times, was about to say something, but someone knocked on the door, coming in then.

 _— Jiminnie? You are sleeping? —_ it was Jin who came in, carrying grocery bags. He closed the door with his foot, leaving the bags on the table before taking off his sunglasses and looking at the two of them in bed.

Hoseok tried to pull away, but Jimin grabbed his hand, they were pale and no one spoke.

 _— Hyungnim…? —_ it was Jimin who took the initiative, but Jin looked at Hoseok.

 _— What happened? —_ Hoseok opened his mouth a few times, but he did not know what to say. After all, it was funny to see how Jin looked like a furious mother.

Hoseok released Jimin's hand and stood up.

_— I was going to call you, but…_

_— But? Why did not you call? What happened?_

_— I asked him… —_ Jimin started to speak, but Jin interrupted him.

_— Shut up, I'm not talking to you. Hoseok, I want to talk to you outside._

_— Hyungnim, it's not his fault. —_ Jimin was talking as Jin turned his back on them, leaving the house. _— Hoseok?_

Hoseok looked at him nervously.

_— What do I do?_

_— Don't listen to him. He's just nervous, don't listen to him._

_— Okay… —_ Hoseok followed Jin out.

_— I thought it would be a good idea you stay here with him, but look at him now!_

_— I don't understand…_

_— Who did that? —_ Hoseok opened his mouth a few times. Should he say it was a drug debt? Jin knew about it?

 _— I didn't know them. —_ Hoseok said.

_— Why you don't call me?_

_— Jimin asked me to not call you. He…_

_— You should have called me. You should have done something._

_— I wanted to take him to the hospital, but he didn't want to._

_— And you think you should listen to him? Did you happen to see his situation? Hoseok, for God's sake!_

_— I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I was scared. I didn't know what to do…_

_— It is not obvious? You should have called me. You should have called the police! —_ Jin put his hands on his waist, sighing deeply. _— Let's finish this conversation later. I have to take him to a hospital, then pass the police station._

Jin was about to go back into the house, but Hoseok spoke again.

 _— Why are you acting like this? —_ Hoseok turned to face Jin.

 _— Why didn't you do anything? How do you expect me to feel? This is negligence. You can be arrested for it, you know? —_ Hoseok was silent. _— I wanted to feel calm because you're here, but something like that happens and you think the best thing is to get him home._

 _— Hyungnim? —_ Jin and Hoseok turned to see Jimin at the door. _— Stop talking to him like that. I asked him to bring me home._

 _— Why are you standing? Idiot, I'm going to take you to the hospital. —_ Jin's face grew redder and brighter.

_— No need, I'm... I'll be fine._

_— No need? You are…_

_— I don't want to go to a hospital, I'll be fine, believe me. Now stop scolding him, he didn't do anything wrong. —_ Jin stared at him and they were silent for a while. _— Please…_

 _— Who did that? —_ Jimin looked away at Hoseok.

_— They tried to rob us, when they saw that we had nothing..._

_— It's a lie. Do you really want me to believe that?_

_— No, I want you to trust me._

_— You're into something wrong. You, Yoongi, and you too. —_ Jin pointed to Hoseok who was startled. _— You all think I'm an idiot. Do you think I don't understand? I'm not an idiot._

 _— What are you saying? —_ Jimin frowned, leaning against the door to keep stand. _— Are you insinuating anything?_

_— I've been taking care of you for so long... I'm so tired..._

_— I didn't ask you to do this. —_ Jimin was visibly nervous. _— I didn't ask you to feel pity of me._

— If I had felt no pity, you'd probably be dead. — something started to hurt inside Hoseok, maybe his heart. He saw tears coming down from Jimin's wide eyes.

— Hyung... — Hoseok tried to speak, but Jin interrupted him.

 _— I don't mind spending money with you. I don't mind buying food every week and bringing it here. I don't mind spending money with Hoseok too, if you really want him to stay here, if he makes you feel good. It's okay for me to take a friend to the hospital and pay for everything if that friend needs it. It's not a problem. I offered to do that. But don't you think it unfair to hide so many things from me? —_ the three were silent. Could Jin really talk like that? Hoseok felt cornered. The image of a gentle boy was being ripped apart. _— Wear a coat, I'll take you to the hospital._

_— Hyungnim ..._

_— Don't insist on that, Jimin, please._

 

 

 

Jimin had fallen asleep after being examined and medicated. Jin left the room soon after, asking Hoseok to wait there while paying the hospital bill. Hoseok was also falling asleep when he heard Jimin's voice.

 _— Hyung? —_ He got scared, but got up quickly to get close to the bed.

_— Why are you awake?_

_— Jin hyung will take you to the police station... —_ Jimin was speaking very low, probably doped by the pain medication.

_— I know._

_— Tell to the police you don't know anything. Tell them you were scared, so you can't remember their faces._

_— Why?_

_— Just do it. Please… —_ Jimin asked and Hoseok sighed, feeling tired as Jimin looked desperate once more. _— I'm sorry... I'm really sorry for involving you in this. I don't want things to get even worse, so I want you to say you don't know anything._

_— Okay._

_— If you say something, they'll turn your life into a hell._

_— I know..._

_— They're going to disappear again. They come and go all the time. It's going to be okay, just don't talk about them to the police._

_— Jin told me this has never happened before._

_— He doesn't know. I didn't tell him anything._

_— He looks very disappointed._

Jin came into the room the next moment, he didn't look at Jimin, but seemed a bit more calm.

 _— Come on, I'll take you home. —_ he said to Hoseok, then finally looked at Jimin. _— I come to get you tomorrow._

Jin left the room without saying anything else, looking sad, but not angry. Hoseok was getting up to follow Jin, but Jimin held his hand.

_— There are some cookies in the fridge._

_— Okay._

_— Eat them. Don't be hungry. —_ Jimin's hand was shaking and he looked weak, the medicine was about to make him fall asleep once more.

 _— I'll eat them, don't worry. —_ Hoseok forced a smile, trying not to look so nervous, then stroked Jimin's hand which also smiled before closing his eyes, falling asleep immediately.

 

 

 

Jin was still serious and remained silent. Hoseok was not in the mood to speak, anyway, he needed to think about what he would say to the police, and how he would do it without being caught in a lie.

Hoseok didn't know the streets of Busan, he didn't know where he was going until he recognized where Jimin lived. He looked at Jin, surprised.

 _— Jimin said I was taking you to the police? I can't force you to do this. —_ Jin stopped the car in front of the house. _— I'm sorry, I was very nervous before, I ended up talking too much and being stupid._

_— I understand._

_— You'd better go in. —_ Hoseok nodded, getting out of the car. Jin did not leave until Hoseok had entered the house.

The bags Jin had taken were still on the table. Hoseok looked inside them, and there was meat, noodles and rice. Also had some sweets, most were chocolate.

Hoseok laughed, moving away from the bags. Aside from almost killing Jin of worry, he would still eat his money? Hoseok threw himself on the bed, trying to ignore the hunger.

He needed to take a shower, the footprint of Himchan's shoe was still stamped on his shirt exactly where that crazy man had kicked him, but now that he was lying there he felt he could never get up again.

Hoseok felt scared when the urge to cry rose in his throat, but he didn't avoid the explosion of despair from taking over him. He cried out loud while tears wet everything, his face, his hair, the pillow...

He kept shrinking and sobbing for a long time. His mind was so messed that he couldn't concentrate on just one thought.

Hoseok pulled the phone from his pants pocket, looking for some number with difficulty because his hand feared.

 _— Noona... —_ he called when his sister answered.

_— “Hoseok? Hoseok, are you?”_

_— Noona… —_ he said again, unable to say anything else, starting to cry again.

 _— "Hoseok? Are you okay? Hoseok?" —_ she sounded scared.

_— Why did these things happen...? Why is everything like this…? I can't take it ... I can't take it anymore._

_— "What happened? Tell me." —_ Hoseok sighed, trying to calm down. Why was he frightening his sister like that?

_— Nothing. Nothing happened. I just miss them too much... Daddy and mommy..._

Hoseok heard his sister sigh. Maybe for her it wasn't so difficult, because she wasn't alone, she had a husband.

_— "I know it's hard. It's hard for me too, but you have to be strong."_

_— I'm trying…_

_— "I know you are. How are you? Are you eating well, right?" —_ Hoseok pressed his empty stomach.

_— Of course..._

_— "You got a job?"_

_— Uh-huh. —_ he really should not worry her, hearing her voice was enough to make he feel calmer.

_— "Where are you living?"_

_— I met someone when I got here... This person helped me and gave me a place to stay._

_— "You have to be careful! Who is this person? And if it's an organ dealer?"_ — Hoseok laughed, feeling a little lighter.

_— Is not an organ dealer, just a good person._

_— “And she is beautiful? Are you interested in her? Oh wait! She give you a place to stay? Are you sleeping together? Hoseok!"_

Hoseok felt his face burn and thanked for being alone.

_— Is not it…_

_— "I can't believe I'm the one who's going to have to talk to you about this... Hoseok, are you protecting yourself? I mean, are you using condom?"_

_— Noona!_

_— "God, did you ever think if she gets pregnant? You do not have any condition..."_

_— Noona, is not a girl..._

_— "... is not a girl?"_

_— No._

_— "Ah... is a boy? Hoseok, you...?"_

_— I don't know… I guess so. —_ they were both silent for a long time, until Hoseok spoke again. _— I'm sorry... I'm sorry for that. I feel so confused..._

_— "I don't even know what to tell you…"_

_— I think I like him... Noona, I think I am..._

_— "I understand, it's okay." —_ her voice was more serious. _—  "You never talked about it... About being in love. Did you always feel ‘like this’?”_

Hoseok thought about her question.

_— Yes and no. I don't know... It's the first time…_

_— "I'm not going to lie to you, that's a little strange to me, but honestly I always thought you were 'like this'… And I feel uncomfortable because you're my brother. I want you to be happy... If being gay is what makes you happy... Damn, I don't know what to tell you."_

_— I'm so sorry about this..._

_— "It's all right…"_

Hoseok smiled even though his sister could not see, he was almost asleep, but at least now he felt his heart lighter.

 

 

 

> _Let’s only walk on flower trails_
> 
> _I can’t say that_
> 
> _Let’s only see good things_
> 
> _I can’t say that either_
> 
> _Saying that there will only be good things from now on_
> 
> _Saying that you won’t get hurt_
> 
> _I can’t say that_
> 
> _I can’t lie like that_


	6. Expectation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we come to the times when the sidefics will begin to appear. In the final notes of this chapter, I'll leave the link to the first sidefic.  
> I urge you to read the sidefics, because they are very important and they greatly influence the plot of Fills me with hope. ♥

Hoseok was looking for a job for the eighth consecutive day, but he had arrived in Busan a fortnight ago. He had lost some time caring for Jimin who was now better, but seemed to be plunged into a great sadness.

It was worrisome, but what could he do?

Jin continued to carry enough food for both of them. He did not say many things and was not as nice as before, so he just took the food and went away.

It was no longer so difficult for Hoseok to walk through Busan, at least in the nearest places, but it was frustrating as everyone seemed to have agreed not to give him a job.

 _— We don't need anyone. —_ the man behind the counter did not even look at Hoseok, kept his eyes on a newspaper. It was already the third Cafe that he tried only that day.

 _— Can you tell me where I may get a job? —_ the man raised his eyebrows still without looking at him.

_— Maybe in some food delivery._

_— Thank you very much._

Hoseok bowed a few times to the man who had not yet looked at him. He went out once more to the cold street, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt to protect himself from the drizzle.

Food delivery? Hoseok had not thought about it before. In Gwangju there were also many shops that worked like that.

Not far from Cafe there was an fried chicken restaurant, and in the front door had a small paper with the warning "We need deliveryman".

It was a precarious place, and the lady on the counter looked rather discouraged.

 _— Good afternoon. —_ he bowed politely to the woman. _— I came because of the ad..._

_— You can drive?_

_— Ah... Yes, I can._

_— The job is yours. We open every day at 8 o'clock in the morning. You can't take the motorcycle to your home._ _Chicken leftovers at the end of the day are yours. Start tomorrow. What's your name?_

_— Jung Hoseok._

_— Okay, okay. Tomorrow._

Hoseok looked at her in confusion, then smiled, still incredulous. Why were things still so confusing and happening in such a strange way? At least this time it was strangely positive.

 

 

 

Hoseok hurried down the street and ran after he entered the gate because the raindrops still fell insistently. He stopped at the door of Jimin's house and was about to enter when he heard someone talking.

 _— You're acting like it's my fault. —_ that voice was certainly Jimin's.

 _— And it's not? I said I wanted him. —_ it was Yoongi's voice. _— But you went back there and…_

_— Keep your voice down, please..._

_— WHAT THE FUCK!_

_— YOONGI! —_ they were silent for some time. _— Sit here, dammit. If you want to hear this: I'm sorry._

Hoseok leaned against the door. Were they talking about him?

 _— I don't know why I'm surprised._ — Yoongi was suddenly laughing. _— It was so obvious you would do that._

_— Do you really need to talk like that?_

_— Did you have sex with him?_ – silence again.

_— No._

_— Don't lie to me._

_— Why would I lie?_

_— Because you're a son of a bitch._

_— He hadn’t even kissed anyone before..._

_— Shut up. —_ Yoongi said.

_— Hyung..._

_— What a ridiculous lie._

_— You're being childish... —_ Jimin's voice sounded tired.

 _— Think whatever you want. —_ Yoongi's voice, on the other hand, sounded angry.

_— I didn't do it on purpose._

_— You did, like always._

_— I don't think he wants something with me anyway, so there's no need to be so nervous._

_— He doesn't want?_

_— I don't know, I don't think he is gay._

_— He doesn't like you. May I must try._

_— Hyung?_

_— What?_

Hoseok pressed his ear against the door because Jimin spoke very quietly.

_— I like him… Honestly._

_— You don't even know how is to like someone._

_— I like him —_ Jimin repeated, and Hoseok felt his heart pounding against his chest. _— And I will not give it up. Do you know what that means?_

_— Yes._

_— Is everything okay? We've been friends for how long? Is it okay to throw everything in the trash because of it?_

_— Did you think about it? Did you think about it when you ran to him, right after I told you I wanted him?_

Silence again, then Hoseok opened the door. Jimin wiped away the tears in such a hurry that Hoseok heard when his hand hit his face. Yoongi had a cigarette in his hands and the house was smothered with a scent that Hoseok now recognized as the strong smell of marijuana.

 _— I didn't hear you coming... —_ Jimin stepped over Yoongi's legs to get up, rubbing his red eyes.  _— Were you lucky today?_

_— Actually... I start working tomorrow._

_— What? —_ Jimin had some difficulty hiding the disappointment before he forced a smile. Blinked a few times before approaching Hoseok to hug him. _— Congratulations._

Hoseok patted Jimin on the back, completely embarrassed with Yoongi's gaze on them.

_—Thank you._

_— You're going to work with what? —_ Jimin walked away from Hoseok when he heard Yoongi ask, he rubbed his eyes one more time before he hurried to the bathroom.

_— As a deliveryman in a restaurant._

Yoongi laughed.

_— Deliveryman? How are you going to deliver to a city you don't know?_

_— What? I hadn't thought about it ... But I'll learn fast._

_— I know… —_ Yoongi continued to stare at him. - Do you want to go out?

_— Go out?_

_— With me. —_ Hoseok opened his mouth but could not speak. Yoongi smiled victoriously, then stood up, grabbing Hoseok by the wrist. _— Jiminnie, we're leaving!_

_— Yoongi…_

_— You were born in 1994, right?_

_— Yes._

_— Call me hyung._

_— Okay… —_ Yoongi continued to hold Hoseok's wrist until they had moved far from Jimin's house, but they did not talk, though Yoongi seemed annoyed with something. _— Hyung? I can't go too much far, I need to get up early tomorrow..._

_— I want to show you a cool place._

Hoseok had no choice but to keep following Yoongi.

They came to the front of a large grid gate, but it was locked.

_— What is it?_

_— Can you jump?_

_— Jump? Did you mean invade? —_ Yoongi laughed again.

 _— This is abandoned. Come quickly, or you will not be able to see what I have to show you. —_ Hoseok took a step back when Yoongi ran to jump. In a matter of seconds he was already on the other side. _— Come on!_

Hoseok looked up at the top of the railing, not sure if he could jump.

_— What exactly do you want to show me?_

_— It's not funny if I tell you. Come on, jump!_

Hoseok snorted, taking a little distance before running up to the railing. He had some difficulty, but was also able to jump to the other side.

It was a huge courtyard and had huge containers all over the place.

_— What place is this?_

_— Come on! —_ Yoongi pulled Hoseok by the wrist again, looking very rushed. They walked in silence for some time while the sun began to set. _— Quickly!_

Hoseok was startled when Yoongi started to run, but followed him. Yoongi started to climb in one of the containers near the fence at the back of the courtyard and Hoseok imitated him. When he reached the top, he felt bright orange rays of sun touching his face with warmth while the great ball of fire hid behind Busan's buildings and seemed about to set them on fire.

It was so beautiful that Hoseok could not speak. The drizzle that gathered in his eyelashes made him blink and realize that the sun was gone.

_— Wow..._

_— Beautiful is not it?_

Yoongi was seated, shrunken, with the hood of his sweatshirt covering his head. Hoseok sat beside him.

_— Thank you for showing me this place. — Yoongi nodded._

_— You just seem someone who would like to see something like that. —_ they were silent for a long time, while the rain stopped and came back. _— Where are your parents? —_ Hoseok did not answer. _— Don't you want to talk about it?_

_— Is not something I like to talk about._

_— I see... You didn't say anything to Jimin either?_ — Hoseok looked at him blankly. _— Or you just don't want to talk to me?_

Hoseok looked away when Yoongi stared at him.

_— First impression I had of you was a bit scary. That's why I feel a bit uncomfortable with you..._

_— I see... I'm sorry for that day on train, it wasn't a good day for me._

_— Wasn’t a good day for me too._

_— I know... But it seems like it's my nature to act like that. —_ Hoseok laughed. _— I know you heard..._

_— What?_

_— When Jimin and I we were talking. I know you heard. I know you were behind the door._

Hoseok swallowed, chuckling in embarrassment.

_— I have no idea what you're talking about._

_— Hey man, I'm "high", but I'm not stupid. I can't just pretend that you don't know anything and keep acting like before. —_ they were silent while Yoongi lit a cigarette, pulling a bit more the hood so the drizzle did not soak the tobacco. _— You smoke?_

_— I don't smoke, thank you. Yoongi…_

_— I asked you to call me hyung._

_— Right, hyung… I need to go._

_— I know you two are together. —_ Yoongi said, pretending not to hear him. _— I'm one step behind him, but I want to think I still have a chance. Can you answer that?_

Hoseok stared at the horizon for a long time before getting up, closing the zipper of his sweatshirt.

_— No._

_— No? I don't have a chance or you can't answer me? —_ Yoongi did not look at him even when Hoseok went to the edge of the container, starting to go down the ladder they had climbed before.

_— Jimin and I… We're not together._

 

 

 

 

Hoseok entered the house, closing the door slowly. The TV was on and broadcast some pornographic anime, but Jimin was asleep. On the table there were some pots covered by a towel, but it still smelled good. He ate some cooked vegetables before picking up his things to take a long shower.

It seemed like things would not be so good for long. So that was 'life', anyway? Why was Hoseok feeling so touched by the things Yoongi had said?

Even if the possible relationship between him and Jimin had not progressed at all, a few hours ago he felt quite determined to give himself to it, but now he was there under the shower, thinking about what Yoongi had said.

And about the things he himself had said.

Why had he said that Jimin and he were not together? Did that mean he was giving Yoongi a chance? Yoongi had a chance then? Not even Hoseok could tell.

When he left the bathroom, already dressed, he saw Jimin sitting on the bed, disheveled. He was looking at the TV but did not seem to be watching.

_— Are you awake?_

_— Where did he take you? —_ Jimin said, but did not look at him. _— What did you two talk about?_

_— Nothing important._

_— Nothing?_

_— Just... things. Unimportant things._

Hoseok approached to sit next to him, also looking at the anime on the TV, where a strange and exaggerated sex scene happened.

_— Congratulations on getting a job._

_— Thank you._

_— You're leaving? —_ Hoseok took time to answer.

_— I don't know… I was thinking about it and maybe you want to come with me._

_— What? — Jimin finally looked at Hoseok._

_— Yeah, for work. —_ Jimin blinked a few times, looking away. _— It's a delivery job, and I don't know the city._

Jimin laughed.

 _— Delivery? Why did you take this job? —_ Hoseok laughed too.

_— Because that's all I got. Can you help me with this?_

_— It means I have to work?_

_— Uh... No. You just have to come with me and tell me where I have to go._

_— They're going to give you a motorcycle?_

_— Only during work._

_— I'm in. —_ Jimin said and Hoseok laughed.

_— They will give me the leftovers, too._

_— Really?_

_— Every day, all that is left._

_— Is it enough to share with me? —_ Hoseok laughed again.

_— I guess so._

_— So fried chicken will pay for my effort? My mother would die of pride on me. —_ they both laughed. _— If you're going to start tomorrow, you better sleep._

Jimin lay on the bed, his eyes closed. Hoseok stared at him for a while, his gaze lingering on Jimin's parted lips. He took a deep breath before leaning on his elbow, and before he could reconsider his decision, rested his palm on Jimin's cheek, which did not open his eyes, but sighed.

_— Can I do that?_

_— Of course, you can._

And Hoseok pressed his lips against Jimin's. So soft... He wanted to laugh, but at the same time he felt his heart rise to his throat. It was strange to take the initiative, and Jimin seemed absurdly submissive, but he was so good.

They only kissed for a long time, stopping occasionally to take a deep breath. Jimin wrapped his arms around Hoseok's neck, pulling him closer to his body, but Hoseok reacted, pulling back a little.

It was a bit scary to have his body in such intimate contact with Jimin's body.

_— Are you okay?_

_— Yes. —_ they whispered, as if someone could hear them.

_— Jimin..._

_— Yeah? —_ Hoseok took a few deep breaths but could not speak and Jimin just stared at him. _— Hyung?_

_— I want to stay here._

_— What?_

_— I want to stay here with you. If you still want me to stay, of course. If you want, I'll stay here with you. —_ Hoseok was nervous, his face was red and he looked misfit.

Jimin was staring at him without reaction, opened his mouth a few times, but then just covered his face with his hands.

_— Oh my God, don't do this to me…_

_— What? Did I said something wrong?_

_— No. I'm nervous, I'm sorry. —_ Jimin laughed, wiping away first tears. _— Are you serious?_

_— Do you want me to stay?_

_— Of course I want. But I don't want you to lie to me, I don't want you to say it just to please me or anything._

_— I know._

_— I don't want you to just stay here, I want you to stay with me. Hoseok... I want you to fill me with hope again._

Hoseok stared at him for a while.

_— Do you think I can do that?_

_— I know you can._

_— Then I'll do my best if you promise to understand my time._

_— I promise. Pinky promise. —_ Jimin lifted his pinky and Hoseok laughed before grabbing Jimin's finger with his own.

_— You know pinky promise is very serious, right?_

_— Of course I know._

_— Don't even think about breaking it._

_— Why? Will you punish me? What kind of punishment should I expect from you?_

_— It's a secret._

_— You have to tell, so I'll decide if it's worth breaking a pinky promise. —_ Hoseok laughed. _— I'm sorry, I'm very interested in that. I'll let you know that tickling doesn't work, so it's useless_.

_— It's useless?_

_— Totally. —_ Jimin pushed Hoseok, laying him down on the bed and then sitting on his hip. He raised both hands, imitating claws. _— You see that? They are monsters of tickling._

 _— Monsters of tickling? —_ Hoseok laughed.

 _— Just like wild animals. Do you think you can compete with that? Uh? Do you think you can deal with it? —_ Jimin did not wait for Hoseok to answer, began to tickle his belly, making him cry with laughter.

Hoseok managed to wrap Jimin's head in a hug and he stopped tickling, laying his head on Hoseok's chest. They both laughed for a while, then fell silent.

Jimin kept his hand on Hoseok's chest and slipped his fingertips there.

 _— Hyung? —_ Jimin called softly, feeling Hoseok's fingers in his hair. _— I’m sorry…_

 _— Why? —_ Jimin put his hands on the bed, lifting his body to look at Hoseok. He did not pull away and kept his face close and stared at him.

 _— I can't understand your time. —_ Hoseok raised his eyebrows when Jimin kissed him and at the same moment he felt Jimin's hand reach into his shirt. He contracted his belly, trying to push Jimin away, but he could not. It was not as if he really wanted to push him away, so he would let things happen as they should.

 

 

 

 

Hoseok straightened his head on Jimin's chest. The sensation the sweaty skins provided was a bit disgusting, but he liked the warmth it received in his hair.

 _— Are you okay? —_ Hoseok heard Jimin ask and mumbled a sleepy "yes" that made Jimin laugh. _— Must be tired. Don't you want to take a shower before sleep?_

Hoseok sighed before answering.

 _— Yes. –_ but he did not move. _— Jimin?_

_— Hm?_

_— Can you close your eyes?_

_— Eh? Close my eyes? —_ Jimin frowned, staring at the ceiling. _— Why?_

Hoseok took some time to asnwer, then spoke quietly.

_— I want to get up._

_— What? —_ Jimin laughed. _— Are you embarrassed?_

 _— Don't laugh. —_ Hoseok lifted his head to look at him.

 _— I'm sorry, but you're so cute, not even looks the same Hoseok from few minutes ago. —_ Hoseok felt his face burning.

 _— Don't say those things. —_ Jimin grabbed Hoseok's face to give him a peck.

_— I’m sorry. I’ll close my eyes, I promise you._

_— I don't believe your promises any more. —_ Jimin pouted and this time was Hoseok who laughed. _— I hope you keep making promises you can’t keep._

Jimin also laughed, kissing Hoseok again before lightly stroking his cheek.

 _— You were great. I mean, it was your first time... You were great. I'm happy, really... I think this is the happiest moment of my life. —_ Hoseok stared at him. Was his life so bad that sex was the happiest moment of his life? _— Thank you for that._

_— You don't have to thank me. It is mutual. I'm happy too._

Jimin smiled, then covered his eyes with both hands, feeling the weight of Hoseok's body disappear soon after. He sighed when felt the tears wetting his fingers, but smiled, at least this time was tears of happiness.

>  
> 
>  
> 
> _The early morning passes and we greet the morning together_   
>  _Don’t ever let go of my hand_   
>  _I won’t ever let go of yours_   
>  _Every time I wanted to give up_   
>  _Beside me you said, "Child, you really can do it"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first sidefic is about Yoongi decisions and its name is "On the edge" and it must be read between Chapter 6 and Chapter 7.   
> Sidefic: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10588707
> 
> Yes, the two had sex.  
> And I wrote this explicit scene.  
> BUT, I don't like sex scenes in fanfics like Fills me with Hope, because I don't think it suits with the plot.  
> I'll work on translating this scene in the future, and then I'll post it here, but let's not think about it now.  
> See you in the next chapter? ♥


	7. Jump

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more sidefic has been posted and I'll leave link in the final notes. It should be read soon after chapter 7 and before chapter 8.  
> I urge you to read the sidefics, because they are very important and they greatly influence the plot of Fills me with hope. ♥

_— Why do you take so long? —_ Jimin grunted when Hoseok finally left the restaurant carrying two helmets and a large, square thermo-bag.

 _— I was trying to explain to her that she will not have to pay you either. —_ Hoseok explained while Jimin grabbed both helmets, allowing Hoseok to use both hands to attach the thermo-bag to the rump of the motorcycle. _— She gave me a huge list of places._

 _— Must be a test to see if you can deliver all the orders quickly. Let me see. —_ Hoseok handed the papers to Jimin.

_— Do you know those places?_

_— Yup. Let's go? —_ both got on the motorcycle after putting on the helmet. Jimin squeezed himself between the thermo-bag and Hoseok, snuggling against his back and hugging him.

They did not take long to cross the city because Jimin knew several shortcuts and thanks to that Hoseok managed to do the first part of the deliveries quickly.

The morning part was very busy, especially near lunchtime, but during the afternoon there had almost no work.

 _— These are the last three. Come after delivery it to receive payment for your day worked. —_ Hoseok stared at her, unable to hide his disappointment.

 _— Okay… —_ Hoseok grabbed the packets and notes with addresses that she gave him.

_— Hey, boy._

_— Yes?_

_— It's your job. Every day at the same hour in the morning. —_ Hoseok grinned, revering the woman. _— Now go, the chicken is getting cold._

 _— Right! Thank you very much. —_ he bowed once more before hurrying out the front door. Jimin, who was propped up on the motorcycle, rose quickly when Hoseok approached, still smiling.

_— What?_

_— The job is mine._

_— It was not?_

_— It's officially mine now. —_ Jimin also smiled, hugging Hoseok, who returned the tight hug.

 _— That's really good. I'm very happy for you. —_ Jimin said and kissed Hoseok's cheek before pulling away, taking the helmet. _— Are you going to stand here until you lose your job? Give me the addresses and let's go._

Jimin laughed, taking notes from Hoseok's hands.

 

 

 

It was already about 6:00pm when Hoseok and Jimin arrived at the last address, a large upper-middle-class residential building. The porter only allowed them to come up after intercom to the apartment number 102, from where they had made the order.

_— You can go up, use the service elevator. It's on the penultimate floor._

_— Okay, thanks. —_ Hoseok smiled sympathetically and Jimin followed with his hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket.

 _— How can someone who lives in a building like this order fried chicken? —_ Jimin asked randomly.

_— Anyone can order fried chicken._

_— Not from that restaurant. —_ Hoseok looked at Jimin seriously. _— I'm not criticizing your work._

 _— Hm… —_ they were silent until the elevator door opened on the penultimate floor.

In the hall there were only two doors, number 101 and number 102, and the place was small and without decoration. Clearly an employee entrance.

Hoseok rang the doorbell, stepping back. Inside the apartment the music played loudly so Hoseok rang the doorbell once more. Someone screamed inside and then the door opened, revealing a guy who finished buttoning his pants, his shirt wrapped around his nipples.

Hoseok felt Jimin grab the bar of his shirt, but tried to keep calm.

Himchan straightened his shirt and looked from Hoseok to Jimin, that sadistic expression was not on his face this time, but he seemed too high even to recognize them.

 _— D-delivery... —_ Hoseok stammered.

 _— Delivery? Ah! The chicken. —_ Himchan laughed, turning his back on them. _— Put it here on the table, I'll get your money._

Hoseok looked at Jimin, his skin had no color, so they went in to drop the order on the table. Despite the music, it was possible to hear people talking and laughing loudly.

_— What's your name again, boy?_

_— Yoongi. Min Yoongi._

Hoseok and Jimin faced each other automatically.

 _— Yoongi, huh! Open your mouth, open your mouth! —_ Jimin went quickly to the door leading from the large kitchen to the living room. He could see Yoongi kneeling before Hoseok pulled him back. Yoongi was laughing while someone poured drink straight into his throat. There were other people around, men and women, everyone looked drunk and Bang watched them from afar with a smile on his face.

 _— Have you lost your mind? —_ Hoseok said nervous and Jimin opened his mouth, but another person spoke and both looked scared.

 _— Park Jimin! —_ the young man who came to the kitchen leaned against the counter while lighting a cigarette. _— Is that what they call "rabbit in the wolf's den"? What are you doing here?_

He stared at Hoseok, then laughed, pointing to his face, but before he could speak, they heard Himchan's voice.

 _— Go back to the living room, Daehyun. —_ Himchan did not look as high as before. Was he faking it?

 _— Are not you going to tell it to Bang? —_ Daehyun was still laughing. _— He'll “eat your liver” if he knows about that._

 _— He's going to "eat YOUR liver", I just need to ask him. Get out of here now. —_ Daehyun stopped smiling, looking at Jimin and Hoseok who stood both motionless. Daehyun looked embarrassed, but laughed again, making a forced reverence to Himchan.

 _— Of course, "Mrs. First lady". —_ Daehyun said mockingly before leaving the kitchen. Jimin was still pale when Himchan gave Hoseok some money.

_— Get out of here you too._

_— Hyung, please... Yoongi... —_ Himchan frowned, shaking his head.

_— He's here because he wants to._

_— What...?_

_— And stop calling me hyung, we're not friends. —_ Jimin raised his eyebrows in surprise, opened his mouth a few times, but said nothing. Hoseok grabbed him by the arm, starting to pull him out of the apartment and the two heard the door knock soon after.

Jimin got rid of Hoseok's grip on his arm and followed quietly back into the elevator, crouching in the corner as soon as the door closed.

 _— It's just a party. —_ Hoseok said and Jimin laughed, but did not say anything, still looked shocked. _— He wouldn't do that._

Jimin's phone rang then and he answered quickly, not talking to Hoseok.

 _— Ya, hyungnim. Hm? Beach? Ah yes yes. I'll talk to him. Yoongi? —_ Jimin looked at Hoseok. _— I think he's busy today... Okay. —_ Jimin ran his hand over his face, rising while he tossed the cell phone back into his pocket. _— Jin hyung wants to go to the beach, they will get us at home._

Hoseok nodded, but both remained silent for the rest of the way.

 

 

 

> _No matter who tries to stop me_
> 
> _I'll follow my path_
> 
> _Even if I live just for one day_
> 
> _I have no regrets_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first sidefic is about Taehyung and Jungkook disturbed relationship, named "Let me hold you tight" and it must be read between Chapter 7 and Chapter 8.   
> Sidefic: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10599498


	8. Am I wrong?

The interior of the car was silent. Jin had not opened his mouth or to say "hello," Namjoon was distracted with his cell phone, and Jimin was thoughtful while he looked out the window. Hoseok was not sure about the reason, but that silence was good.

 _— I heard you got a job. Congratulations! —_ Namjoon said suddenly.

 _— Thank you. —_ Hoseok forced a smile, but felt very tired.

 _— So you're staying at Jimin's house, right? —_ Namjoon asked and Hoseok saw Jin look at him in the rearview mirror.

 _— I guess so. —_ Hoseok felt Jimin's fingers gripping his.

 _— Oh… Taehyung. —_ Namjoon said when his cell phone rang and Taehyung's name appeared on the screen. He put it on speakerphone before answering. _— Hey, Tae! —_ no one could hear what Taehyung said. _— What? Tae, I can't hear you well. Taehyung? Taehyung, I can't hear you well._

 _— “I think I'm hurt.” —_ Taehyung said louder this time and he seemed to be crying.

_— Hurt? How... Did you drink again? Where are you?_

_— “I fell... My head... I feel pain in my head.”_

_— Where are you?_

_— “I'm not sure... I'll send you the address through kakaotalk.”_

_— Alright, we will get there soon. Tae, you can't sleep, okay? Don't sleep. —_ it was Taehyung who hung up. Jin turned the car around as soon as Namjoon said the address.

_— Kook is not with him?_

_— Don't know. I think not._

The place was not far away and Jin drove fast enough to be there in a few minutes, and he and Namjoon ran inside the hotel. Jimin circled the car, heading for Hoseok who was now leaning against the car's door.

 _— He's definitely drunk again. —_ Hoseok was startled when Jimin hugged him, laying his head on his shoulder. He did not have to say anything, but his whole body was hard enough to make Jimin laugh. _— Don't worry, nobody ever walks on this street. —_ Hoseok did not feel calmer, but hugged Jimin by the shoulders, completely clumsy. _— You're cold. Are you feeling sick?_

 _— Uhm. It's just cold. —_ Jimin raised his head, was smiling and  kissed Hoseok's lips and the next moment they heard someone coughing falsely. Namjoon was approaching, he had Taehyung propped up on his shoulders and the boy was dirty with blood.

Hoseok approached to help Namjoon, supporting Taehyung and together they helped the youngest get into the car.

_— Let him near the window._

Hoseok arrested Taehyung with the seat belt. The smell of alcohol in him was very strong and judging from the jeans with the zipper open and the shirt inside out, they had found him naked. Jin took a little longer to come, carring Taehyung's backpack. He kept wallet in his pocket. Probably had paid the hotel bill.

 _— You sit in the middle, I like to stand at the window. —_ Jimin pushed Hoseok into the car. Jin was the last to get into the car, still as silent as a stone.

 _— I'll take you to the hospital, you'd better not sleep. Taehyung? —_ Jin said after a while.

 _— I'm listening… —_ Taehyun replied with a grunt.

_— So answer me when I talk to you. After taking you to the hospital, I'm going to take you home. Do you have the key of your house or will you call your mother?_

_— I can't go home._

_— Why not?_

_— Because my parents kicked me out when I told them I'm gay. —_ Taehyung said nervously.

_— What the fuck..._

Taehyung leaned his head against the car window, his face was very pale.

 _— I want to vomit... —_ Taehyung said quietly and Jin looked at Hoseok in the rearview mirror.

_— What he said?_

_— He wants to vomit. —_ Jin sighed, thinking for a few seconds.

_— Find a bag for him._

_— I don't want to throw up in a bag... —_ Taehyung whined.

 _— Stop the car. —_ Namjoon asked, holding Jin's shoulder lightly and Jin sighed once more.

_— No, he needs a hospital._

_— He will not get worse if we stop for a few minutes. —_ Jin glanced at Namjoon, looking frustrated and about to explode, but stopped the car on the side of the road.

Taehyung opened the door, sneaking out. He staggered a little, but did not fall, took a few steps away from the car, and crouched on the sidewalk, holding his knees.

Hoseok followed him, approaching to Taehyung quickly.

_— Are you ok?_

_— Hm… —_ Hoseok looked at the car, but only he had followed Taehyung and he felt a little stupid. _— Kook…_

_— What?_

_— He was with me… I don't know where he went. —_ Hoseok stepped closer to see Taehyung sliding his finger across the broken screen of his cell phone. _— Did you see him?_

 _— Ah… —_ Hoseok looked at the car once more. _— No, I didn't see him. You were alone._

 _— No, no, no, no… He was there, I'm sure he was there, we have s... He was there. —_ Taehyung fell silent, he could not do anything with his cell phone because he was shaking a lot. _— You! Can you help me._

_— We better get back to the car. Jin..._

_— To hell with Jin. I didn't call him. —_ Taehyung seemed very nervous.

_— Taehyung…_

_— Find Jungkook's number, please. —_ Taehyung stood up, pushing the phone to Hoseok's hand. _— Please, I just want to know where he is._

Hoseok stared at Taehyung who looked desperate, then turned his attention to the cell phone, beginning to look for Jungkook's number, but it was thrown away from his hand with brutality, almost twisting his wrist.

Hoseok looked startled at furious Jin who was now clutching the cell phone in his hands.

_— What do you think you're doing?_

_— I was just…_

_— You're nosing into again in what is none of your business. –_ Jin almost screamed and his face was red. He gripped Taehyung's arm tightly.

_— He just wants to know where..._

_— Which part you didn’t understand? —_ Jin stared at Hoseok. Namjoon also got out of the car, approached the three, holding Taehyung who was screaming, completely angry.

 _— GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE! I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF HE'S OK! YOU CAN'T DO THAT HYUNG! —_ Namjoon practically dragged Taehyung to the car, from where he kept yelling.

 _— Taehyung, please... —_ Namjoon tried to speak, but his voice was muffled by Taehyung's screams.

 _— YOU SON OF A BITCH! BASTARD! YOU CAN'T DO IT! I DIDN'T CALL TO YOU! —_ the sound of his voice diminished as Namjoon managed to lock him inside the car.

_— I was just trying to help._

_— Help? Were you going to help him how? Calling the person who left him like this? Do you even know how things work for Taehyung and Jungkook? Let me tell you something: it's always the same. Taehyung is getting sick because of this shit. Kook keeps making him like an idiot and Taehyung falls into it every time and then Kook disappears and leaves him alone again. You don't even know what's happening, you're still nosing into everything. —_ Jin tapped Hoseok's chest with the palm of his hand, pushing Hoseok and causing him to stepped back. Hoseok rubbed where Jin had hit, staring at him with surprise. _— It's not your funcking business, stay out of it._

 _— I don't... —_ Hoseok did not know exactly what to say, still did not know how to deal with those sudden reactions of Jin. Although he had not known Jin for a long time, at first he had been a kind person. He felt the indignation exploding inside his chest and he could no longer control his own words. _— Do you have a problem with me? There's something bothering you? Is it because I decided to stay here? I can resolve it without be hostil. You can?_

Jin laughed, raising his eyebrow.

 _— What? What did you say? —_ Jin grabbed Hoseok by the coat, but the next moment he was pulled away. Namjoon held him by waist, but Jin tried to loosen himself and pointed his finger at Hoseok. _— WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?_

Jimin also approached, grabbing Hoseok by the hem of his coat, although Hoseok did not move, just watched Namjoon take Jin away from the car.

 _— Don’t mind about the things he says. —_ Jimin hugged him.

 _— It's all right. —_ Hoseok hugged Jimin too and could feel his heart beating and, although it was sad, it made Hoseok feel comfortable.

Taehyung hit the glass of the car for a while, unable to open the door, also shouted for a few more minutes, but then gave up, sinking into the darkness that was inside the car.

It took a while until Namjoon and Jin came back from their conversation. Jin did not speak, did not even look at anyone, got into the car on the hitchhiker side  and slammed the door really hard.

Namjoon approached Hoseok and Jimin, he looked rather embarrassed.

 _— I'm sorry for this. He's just nervous. —_ Hoseok just nodded. _— Jiminnie, is it okay if Taehyung stays at your house?_

Jimin turned to face Namjoon.

_— Why?_

_— You can understand? To be honest Jin isn't well…_

_— Hyung, you know very well where I live. You know there's no space in my house._

_— It's only for one night. Tomorrow I'm sure everyone will be feeling better, including Jin. —_ Jimin stared at him. _— Please… We can't leave him on the street._

_— I know we can't._

_— Please, just for tonight. —_ Jimin sighed, looking at Hoseok before he spoke.

 _— It's all right. —_ Namjoon also sighed.

_— Come on now, we need to get him to the hospital._

Hoseok was sitting on the floor near the bed. He looked at Taehyung, who was now asleep, occupying the only bed in the house. Jimin also sat next to Hoseok, after filling a bowl with pieces of fried chicken dipped in ketchup and serve two glasses of soda.

The only noise that had been heard for a long time was that of Taehyung muttering and also when Hoseok or Jimin sucked their fingers covered in red sauce.

The taste was very good, but it was the only thing they had to eat.

 _— Don't pay attention to what Jin hyung says. —_ Jimin said suddenly, not looking at Hoseok. _— He's frustrated with something and when that happens he always ends up attacking whoever in front of him. Unfortunately it is always you who have been in front of him in the last days._

They both laughed and Hoseok leaned his head against the wall, sighing.

 _— I don't feel angry at him, but I can't say that doesn't bother me a lot. —_ Jimin stared at him. _— I think he means something, but I don't know..._

 _— Maybe it's because everyone like you. —_ Jimin pushed away the empty bowl and lay down on Hoseok's lap. _— Jin use to be our "mother", you know. For being the oldest and the most responsible among us._

They laughed again.

_— I got it._

_— I think he's afraid you'll take his place. He's very insecure, he used to be a very lonely person._

_— I understand... But I don't want this, take his place I mean. I just want to stay here._

Jimin smiled, stroking Hoseok's cheek.

 _— I'm so happy whenever you say you want to stay here. I feel like my heart is going to explode of happiness. —_ Hoseok also smiled, holding Jimin's hand to leave a kiss on its back. He still felt strange doing this sort of thing, but he liked how Jimin's face became radiant.

 _— Ah... There's something I'd like to ask. —_ Hoseok said.

_— What?_

_— Who exactly is that guy? Himchan... —_ Jimin stared at him for a while.

 _— He used to be a friend. He and Yoongi were very close, so I ended up getting close to him too. He was a nice guy until he got involved with Bang Yongguk. —_ Jimin laughed, but he seemed unconvinced. _— It wasn't even for money..._

_— No?_

_— Himchan had a lot of money, so I do not know. Love, I guess. Or something like that. Maybe blackmail. I still think he owed to Bang too, and he had no choice. —_ Jimin sighed deeply, closing his eyes. _— It was because of him that I ended up like this._

_— Like this?_

_— Addicted to this crap and with a huge debt. —_ Jimin kept his eyes closed, embarrassed, his voice beginning to fail and Hoseok already knew that soon he would begin to cry. _— Himchan made me believe it was very easy and when I realized, the debt was already much bigger than I could imagine... Yoongi fell in the same, but he steals from his mother to pay. I stole sometimes times, I stole from markets, I stole people... But it wasn't enough. I thought Himchan would help me, but I think the drug has rotted his brain._

 _— I see... —_ Hoseok let his fingers slip through the orange strands of Jimin's hair. _— And you know the value of this debt now?_

_— No. Only Bang knows. Every day the debt grows, but I don't know how he calculates._

_— Maybe I..._

_— Don't even think about it. —_ Jimin opened his eyes to face him. _— Please, he would never leave you alone._

_— I don't care._

_— But I care, so don't even think about it._ — Jimin sat up suddenly, turning to face Hoseok, pulling his hands to squeeze between his. _— Now I'm the one who's going to ask you something._

Hoseok felt apprehensive, but Jimin smiled, so he smiled too.

_— What is?_

_— It's an important subject for me, and I want you to be honest._

_— Sure. —_ Jimin stared at Hoseok for a while, his smile fading away as he looked more nervous.

 _— Do you want to be my boyfriend? —_ Hoseok's eyes widened and the color of Jimin's face was matching his hair. _— It's okay if you can’t answer now, if you want to think about it before, it's just..._

 _— I want. —_ Hoseok interrupted him.

_— Are you serious?_

_— Yes. —_ Hoseok laughed awkwardly. _— I think I should have asked you before, but I appreciate what you did because I probably could not._

Jimin opened his mouth in indignation.

 _— Why you should have asked before? What do you mean? I'm the "girl" in this relationship? —_ and then he laughed, kissing Hoseok.

 _— Can you two stop it?! —_ they heard Taehyung grumble and Jimin laughed, rubbing his face. He seemed very excited and happy. He got up, still laughing, picking up the bowl and the glasses.

Hoseok watched Jimin leaned against the sink after putting the dirty dishes inside. He kept his eyes closed for a while and the smile on his lips was huge, then shook his head, plunged into his own silly thoughts.

Hoseok also smiled, he was feeling really happy...

 

 

 

> _Am I wrong f_ _alling in love with you?_
> 
> _Tell me, am I wrong?_
> 
> _I still want to live more_
> 
> _I want to find my destiny_


	9. Suicide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii  
> I took sometime to post this chapter, I'm sorry. But this is a really important chapter, and now we will know a bit more about Jimin like: why is Jin so worried about him? Why he can't stay alone?  
> We will understand a bit about Hoseok's confused heart too.  
> Well, it's a very sad chapter. I hope you are prepared. ;u;  
> Ah, I haven't answered the comments in chapter 8, but I'll do it soon, I'm without my eyeglasses so it's hard for me to read and type (and the translation I'm doing on my cellphone)  
> Enough of wasting time. let's read. ♥

After a week in his new job, Hoseok was beginning to get used to the routine, and the feeling of exhaustion no longer bothered him. He was also getting used to the streets and addresses, because were usually the same people who made orders.

He wished he could pay the rent soon and Jin would not have to worry any more, but at the same time he thought that probably Jin would get upset about it.

But he was happy because he earned enough to buy rice and also happy to get leftover chicken fried at the end of the day. It was enough for Jimin, Taehyung, and him to eat.

 _— Thank you very much! Enjoy your meal. —_ Hoseok bowed to the lady who closed the door after giving him a good tip. He counted the money before putting it in his pocket along with the money he had received earlier. It was not much, but he had sold his mp3 player, the only birthday gift he had ever won in life, but he had no choice, he needed some money.

 _— Is it over? —_ Jimin was waiting outside, leaning against the motorcycle.

_— Yes. She gave me a good tip._

_— Cool._

_— Do you want to drink? —_ Jimin stared at him, then laughed.

 _— Are you serious?_ _—_ Jimin asked in surprise.

_— Yeah._

_— God, I created a monster. —_ they both laughed. _— Do you want to call someone?_

 _— No. Just me and you. —_ Jimin laughed once again, hugging Hoseok from behind when he turn on the motorcycle.

After finish the day work and returning the motorcycle, Hoseok and Jimin bought some bottles of soju. They walked to the old shed, where they could have some privacy, without Taehyung nearby.

 _—Taehyung will be worried. —_ Jimin commented after they had jumped the gate to enter the shed.

_— He must be grateful to have the house just for him._

_— I only hope he don't destroy my house. —_ Jimin grabbed Hoseok's hand while they headed for the back of the shed, where the old sofas stood in the same place.

There was also a brass there and anything inside it was burning, while someone threw twigs and balls of paper in there. It was not a difficult task to recognize Yoongi's faded green hair.

 _— Hyung? —_ Yoongi looked at them without much interest, but seemed annoyed that Hosoek and Jimin were holding hands. Then he stood up, passing by Hoseok and Jimin without saying a word.

 _— We bought soju. —_ Hoseok said suddenly, turning to see Yoongi stopping. _— Drink with us._

Yoongi took a moment to turn around, but he had a wry smile on his face.

 _— Should I? You both must be wanting to be alone. —_ Jimin laughed, trying to look friendly.

 _— No way! Don't be like that, hyung. You never reject soju. —_   then Jimin approached grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him back to the sofa. _— What have you been doing?_

Jimin pushed one bottle of soju to Hoseok, one to Yoongi, then picked one up for himself.

_— What you mean?_

_— I haven't seen you in the last days. You used to came to my house every day. —_ Yoongi stared at Hoseok for a while, but did not answer. _— I was really surprised when I saw you there._

_— What?_

_— In his apartment... Himchan._

Yoongi laughed, but he seemed cornered.

_— How do you know about it?_

_— I was there that day. I was surprised and scared, but Himchan said you wanted to be there. —_ Jimin stopped talking for a while. _— I was horrified, actually... You were on your knees, but you looked excited and happy._

 _— Jimin... —_ Hoseok called, but Jimin did not look at him and Yoongi remained silent.

_— Why are you getting involved with these people?_

_— Himchan has always been a friend._ _—_ Yoongi muttered.

_— He's not a friend anymore. He said that. You know who they are, hyung, you know what they do._

_— I know._

_— Then why... Why you... Hyung! —_ Jimin sighed wearily. The three remained silent for a long time until Yoongi stood up and walked away without a word.

Jimin slid his head down the stew until he laid it on Hoseok's shoulder, resting his hand on his thigh.

 _— Are you okay? —_ Hoseok asked.

_— I should not have talked about it with him, should I? I ruined our moment._

_— What you mean? —_ Jimin laughed, resting his knees on the seat to sit on Hoseok's lap.

 _— I know why you brought me here. —_ Jimin grabbed Hoseok's face before kissing him. _— Is it some kind of fetish?_

_— Fetish?_

_— Sex in an open place. So dangerous. –_ Jimin kissed Hoseok again, taking off his coat and laughing when Hoseok pulled at his hip. It was funny to see Hoseok having attitude, he was clumsy, but Jimin fell in love more and more with his clumsiness. _— You know... I quite like the idea. It seems much better than staying hidden in the bathroom trying not to make too much noise._

Hoseok laughed, laying his head back and letting Jimin kiss his neck without shame. He felt Jimin's hand run down his chest to the waistband of his jeans and then into it.

Jimin pulled back a little to watch the expression on Hoseok's face when gripped his penis.

_— Jimin..._

_— What? —_ Hoseok chuckled, grabbing Jimin's wrist and stopping the stimulus he was getting.

 _— I need... —_ it was hard to think of what to say when Jimin stared at his mouth so blatantly. _— I really need..._

 _— No need to be ashamed to tell me anything you want. —_ Jimin whispered in his ear and Hoseok felt his face heat, both for the embarrassment and the excitement of still having Jimin's hand masturbating him slowly.

 _— I need to pee. —_ Hoseok said quickly. Jimin stared at him for a while, then laughed.

_— What?_

_— You know, alcohol..._

_— I know I know. —_ Jimin continued to laugh.

_— I'm sorry, but I really need..._

_— No problem. —_ Jimin sat down on the couch, pulling Hoseok down for another kiss before letting him get up. _— Don't delay, I'll punish you for it._

Hoseok walked away, laughing, walking to the shed where he knew that had an old bathroom. It was dirty and disgusting, but it was better than nothing.

Hoseok washed his hands after feeling relieved, trying not to touch too much on the filthy faucet. He looked at the dirty mirror just above the sink, his cheeks red. Hoseok laughed at himself, feeling nervous.

He ran his wet hands through his hair, combing it back while turned to leave the bathroom. He felt his heart rise to his throat when he saw someone standing near the door, just behind him.

 _— You scared me! —_ Hoseok said nervously, resting his hand on his chest and finally looking at Yoongi, who was still standing in the doorway like a ghost.  _— Hyung?_

_— You lied._

_— What?_

_— You told me you and Jimin weren't together. You lied. Why you lied? —_ Hoseok shook his head, denying it.

_— I didn't lie. We weren't together._

_— So what the hell was that? Holding hands? —_ Yoongi laughed. _— You're a son of a bitch, Hoseok, do you know that?_

Yoongi shook his head, turning to leave.

 _— I was confused! —_ Hoseok said suddenly, making Yoongi stop. Yoongi kept looking down the hallway while he heard Hoseok. _— I think I'm still confused._

_— Confused?_

_— Confused. Confused about him, about me... About you... If I gave you some hope it's because that's what I feel._

Yoongi turned to face Hoseok, then approached leaning Hoseok against the wall before kissing him. Hoseok knew he had not drunk enough to put the blame on the alcohol, but he still did not push Yoongi away.

The next moment they heard a glass breaking and Hoseok held Yoongi by the shoulders, pulling him away, looking at Jimin who was standing by the door. The look on Jimin's face was not anger, it was sadness and pain. A few drops of blood dripped from his hand to the broken glass bottle on the floor, but some shards of broken glass remained in his fingers.

Hoseok opened his mouth, but said nothing. He could not. Jimin seemed to wake up then, his eyes widening before he rushed out.

 _— Jimin? —_ Hoseok would follow him, but Yoongi grabbed his arm. _— Did you know? DID YOU KNOW JIMIN WAS HEARING?_

 _— If you also knew, would you have lied to me again? —_ Hoseok pulled his arm violently, releasing himself from Yoongi's grip, staring at him for a while before run.

The outside was empty. Hoseok ran to the gate and jumped it, seeing Jimin quite far away. Even in the dark his orange hair was not discreet.

Hoseok ran too and even when the muscles in his legs began to ache, he did not stop to run until grab Jimin by the elbow. Jimin stopped abruptly, twisting his body to fall sitting on the ground, pulling Hoseok down as well, and both fell in the middle of the dust.

 _— LET ME GO! —_ Jimin punched Hoseok in the chest and arms a few times, he was stronger than he looked. _— LET ME GO! I DON'T WANT YOU TO TOUCH ME! DON'T TOUCH ME!_

 _— Jimin, please... —_ Hoseok tried to hold him, but it was useless, Jimin dragged himself through the dust until he could stand.

 _— I don't want to see you. I don't want to see anyone. —_ Jimin said choking on his own crying. _— Go away!_

 _— I'm sorry... —_ Hoseok was surprised to find himself crying. _— I'm sorry, I didn't know... I didn't know..._

 _— You didn't know what? That I was there? —_ Jimin laughed desperately. _— If I wasn't there, would it be okay to kiss him?_

Hoseok remained on his knees, his hands resting on the floor. The repentance was choking him.

_— I'm sorry... I'm really sorry..._

Jimin shoved both hands into his hair, staring up at the sky for a long time, laughing again between tears.

 _— I feel stupid... I was making plans. I feel ridiculous because I was feeling happy. Damn, I was so happy! —_ then Jimin clapped a hand on his own chest, gripping the fabric of his own shirt and squeezing it tightly, looking at Hoseok who was still on his knees, staring at the floor. Hoseok did not dare look Jimin in the eyes after all. Jimin tried to scream, but his voice cracked. _—_ _Now my heart is aching so much... I feel like I'm dying again._

Hoseok remained silent, his face turned to the ground. Jimin seemed to be waiting for him to say something, but then he just began to walk away slowly.

Hoseok stood up when Jimin was already gone, maybe thirty yards, and followed him keeping that distance, they walked for a really long time. For many times Jimin stopped only to cry, crouching in the middle of the street, but Hoseok not dared to approach.

When the day began to dawn, Hoseok was already exhausted. He realized that his pants had ripped at his knee and now had dry blood mixed with dust, he'd probably been injured when he fell with Jimin, but he had not even noticed.

Jimin did not seem to be crying any more, he just walked like a living dead. Hoseok looked around, but he did not know that part of town.

Just ahead of them was a bridge over a large lake. Hoseok was still on the road when he saw Jimin stopping in the middle of bridge, but Hoseok was too tired to stop, so just kept walking slowly.

He watched Jimin turn to approach the guardrail. Jimin leaned on the iron grate, climbing onto it. Hoseok stopped suddenly, his legs were paralyzed, his brain told him to run, but his body did not obey.

Jimin's body plummeted to the other side, and Hoseok was able to ran only when he heard the crash of the water. He leaned on the guardrail to look down. The surface of the water rippled, but there was no sign of Jimin. Hoseok's despair grew as the ripples receded and Jimin did not emerge.

Hoseok also climbed the guardrail, hesitating for some time.

 _— JIMIN? —_ Hoseok shouted. _— JIMIN? —_ he took a deep breath before throwing himself into the water. His body sank, but still his feet did not touch the bottom, then swam back to the surface.

Hoseok searched everywhere in the surface, but he was alone. Taking a deep breath, he plunged once more, the lake was deeper than it looked, about ten feet. It was very dark too, so he began to feel the mud from the bottom until he found Jimin's hand, grasping it.

The air was beginning to fade. Hoseok held Jimin as he could, breathing desperately when he reached the surface. Jimin was unconscious, Hoseok had to hold him tight so he would not sink, then he had only one arm to swim to the shore.

 _— Jimin…? —_ Hoseok called out to him almost without a voice. He was tired. _— Wake up... Please wake up...  —_ when his feet finally touched the ground, Hoseok began to drag Jimin, laying him on the ground. _— Wake up! Wake up, for God's sake!_

Hoseok hit Jimin's face, which did not react. He squeezed Jimin's nose, covering it, blowing air into his mouth, then pressed his chest a few times. High school first-aid classes should be useful.

He made mouth-to-mouth breaths once more, and when he pressed Jimin's chest again, Jimin coughed, spewing water.

 _— Thank God... Thank God. —_ he pulled Jimin into his lap, hugging him. He felt Jimin tighten his shirt, his breath forced, but his eyes were open.

_— I told you... I didn't want to see you._

Hoseok laughed, still holding him tight.

 

 

 

Taehyung was sitting on the bed, watching TV and eating anything greasy. He was startled when he saw Hoseok come in carrying Jimin in his back.

 _— What happened? —_ Taehyung asked, geting up and approaching to help Hoseok put Jimin on the bed. _— Hoseok?_

 _— He jump… He fell into a lake. —_ Taehyung stared at Hoseok, looking worried. _— Can you get him a pair of clothes?_

 _— Okay. —_ Taehyung obeyed when Hoseok began undressing Jimin and soon he was dressed in warm, dry clothes. _— Hoseok?_

 _— We'll talk later, please... —_ Hoseok passed by Taehyung leaving the house after throwing a blanket over Jimin.

When Hoseok was already on the outside, the tiredness hit him and he fell sitting next to the wall. He flinched, covering his face and giving in to a resentful cry.

 _— If you don't tell me anything, I'll keep bothering you. —_ Hoseok heard Taehyung's voice and felt when he sat next to him after throwing a sheet over his body, but did not look at him.

The two were silent until Hoseok calmed down, wiping away the tears and looking anywhere ahead.

_— He threw himself into the lake. He just jumped... I'm not sure of anything that happened._

_— Jimin can't swim... —_ Taehyung glanced at him, still looking worried. _— Jin didn't tell you anything? I honestly don't understand what Jin hyung is doing._

 _— What do you mean? —_ Hoseok finally looked at him and Taehyung laughed uneasily.

_— I don't even know if I should talk about it..._

_— Please..._

_— You've heard of suicidal tendencies, right? —_ Taehyung said and Hoseok closed his eyes, sighing deeply and leaning his head against the wall. _— I don't understand much about it, to be honest. Jin knows these things. When Jimin tried to kill himself for the second time, Jin took him to the doctor, then told us Jimin is suffering with suicidal tendency and that this happens when he reaches the maximum level of sadness he can bear._

Hoseok kept his eyes closed and tears were streaming down his face again.

_— Why didn't anyone tell me this before?_

_— Would you have run away? —_ Hoseok opened his eyes to face the sky.

_— I would have been a better person for him..._

> _I wait for you, I stay for you. Everything I've done for you._
> 
> _The whole story and all the time we have_
> 
> _Just say sorry and give me your rest now_
> 
> _If my passion is what you need (I'll give it to you)_
> 
> _If conclusion is what you want to say,_
> 
> _Free me now so I can forget_


	10. School of tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY!  
> I've took so long this time right? I'm still without my eyeglasses (hell I can't see almost nothing, tbh)  
> But here we go to chapter 10. After this we will have only 3 more chapters (13) and one more sidefic and I'm getting really nervous JASLKFJEKF but ok, let's go!  
> I'll leave a little note at the end ♥

Hoseok did not have time to sleep, not even to eat. He was exhausted and he felt that he would faint at any moment, yet he took a quick shower and got back to work. He hoped to find all the addresses without Jimin's help and hoped not to sleep on the motorcycle either.

The sun was already hiding when Hoseok was finally able to return home. Even if it meant making less money, he was grateful there were not too many deliveries.

When he leaned against the door to take off his shoes, he felt he could sit there and sleep forever. He did not know if Jimin had already woken up or how he would behave to see Hoseok. Jimin was quite unpredictable.

He grabbed his pair of shoes before dare to enter in the house. Taehyung was sitting on the bed once again eating something greasy and laughing like a child watching an anime on the TV while Jimin sitting near to the wall, wrapped in a blanket.

Hoseok threw his shoes into a corner and left the package with pieces of chicken on the table. He watched Jimin cringe and almost disappear inside the blanket.

 _— Ah, there you are. —_ it was Taehyung who spoke. _— I tried to cook some rice, it's on the stove. It's not so bad. If you're very hungry the taste will be much better._

Hoseok forced a smile.

_— Of course, thank you._

_— You don't have to talk politely to me, hyung. —_ Hoseok smiled once more, but did not move, he looked to Jimin who was still wrapped in the blanket, in silence. Taehyung also looked at him for a while then stood up, passing by Hoseok and patting his shoulder before leaving the house.

Jimin flinched when Hoseok sat where Taehyung was before, hiding his face.

 _— Are you okay? —_ Jimin did not answer, but Hoseok heard him cry. _— I'm sorry..._

Hoseok realized that he was starting to cry too. He tried to say something else, but his mouth only opened without uttering any voice. They were silent until Jimin stopped crying, or at least he did not cry auditively anymore.

 _— I expected this from him... —_ Hoseok wiped away the first tears that stung his eyes. _— I knew Yoongi was going to do this, but you... I really can't believe that you..._

Jimin could not say anything that made much sense, but Hoseok understood perfectly what he said.

_— I know..._

_— You should have told me you're confused... I'd understand. I swear I would understand... I wouldn't hold you here with me. I wouldn't stop you from trying anything with him, if that's what you wanted..._

_— I don’t want to try anything with him._

_— You're lying._ — Jimin finally removed the blanket from his face, staring at Hoseok. His face was red. _— You’re lying. You're lying to me, to him and to yourself. What do you want with that?_

Hoseok continued to stare at him, then hugged his knees and looking away at something else.

_— I don't know... I don't feel that way when I'm with you. I mean, I don't feel confused. I don't know how to explain, when I accepted to date with you... I want this, really._

_— I believe in you. —_ Hoseok stared at him again. _— I believe... but it hurts me so much. I'm sure it hurts him too._

_— I didn’t mean to hurt you._

_— I know. —_ Jimin closed his eyes, sinking once more into the blanket.

 _— I didn't mean to hurt him either. —_ Jimin was crying again. _— If it's better for you, I'm leaving._

 _— You don't have to go. —_ Jimin said quickly, wiping away the tears with the blanket. _— You have nowhere to go. And you're still my boyfriend, where do you think you're going?_

Hoseok could not even laugh at it. His heart ached.

 _— Why did you do that? Jump..._ _—_ Jimin stared at him for a while. His swollen, wet, red eyes looked even smaller. _— Taehyung told me..._

 _— I have no control. —_ Jimin interrupted him. _— It started when she left... My mother. I should have told you about this, right?_

_— That's why Jin said you can't be alone?_

Jimin laughed, shaking his head.

_— He cares too much._

_— It's not too much. Not after what I saw yesterday._

_— You know, Hoseok… I'm always falling into a hole. Sometimes I can hold myself in his walls and then I pretend I'm safe and well, but I can't hold on for long because my strength is over, so I fall again. Each time that happens the hole gets darker, colder and I feel even sadder. I'm hurt, but I keep smiling like I'm fine. —_ Hoseok was silent. There was nothing he could say and he knew that Jimin needed to vent. _— People are killing me all the time. You don't understand? People are killing me..._

Hoseok pulled Jimin on impulse hugging him so tightly it could hurt him. Jimin buried his face in the crook of Hoseok's neck, freeing himself from the blanket to hug Hoseok back.

 _— I'm sorry I'm one of those people. —_ Jimin sobbed and his body trembled. His small hands gripped the fabric of Hoseok's coat from behind.

 _— I'm sorry I'm one of those people. —_ Jimin sobbed and his body trembled. His small hands gripped the fabric of Hoseok's coat from behind.

_— You had no right to do this to me. I let you know me like no one else before, you didn't have the right to hurt me..._

_— I'm sorry. I'll not hurt you again…_

Jimin pushed Hoseok and they were silent, just staring at each other for a while. When Jimin was about to say something again, the door open slapping against the wall. They both looked at Taehyung, who was pale while pressed the cell phone to his chest.

 _— I'm sorry. I didn't... I didn't want to... —_ Taehyung stammered.

 _— What happened? —_ Jimin stood up, going to Taehyung.

_— My mom. My mom, she…_

_— What? —_ Jimin grabbed Taehyung by the shoulders. _— What happened?_

 _— She called me… She wants me to come home. —_ Jimin's eyes widened.

 _— Oh really?! That's nice! —_ Hoseok could not tell if Jimin was happy for Taehyung or happy because Taehyung was leaving.

 _— Oh shit... I'm so nervous. —_ Jimin held Taehyung's hands.

_— I'm sure she thought better of everything that happened. Hm?!_

Taehyung hugged him.

 _— Right... I'm sure. Right… —_ Taehyung pulled away, looked stunned. _— My backpack!_

 _— It's there. —_ Jimin pointed to the foot of the bed where the backpack was. Taehyung caught it, hurriedly checking the things inside.

 _— Everything here. —_ Taehyung threw the pack on his back, hugging Jimin. _— Thanks for letting me stay here._

_— No problem. Good luck!_

_— Thank you. Hoseok! —_ He went to the eldest who rose to hug him too. _— See ya._

_— Of course. Good luck._

_— Thank you!_

When Taehyung left the house he seemed excited enough to run home. Jimin was smiling but still looked sad. He looked at Hoseok after closing the door.

— You must be tired. You better take a shower, eat and sleep. — Hoseok nodded and Jimin returned to the bed, covering himself once more on the blanket.

 

 

 

 

Hoseok opened his eyes with some difficulty, but whoever was calling on his cell phone, would not give up so soon. He sighed before taking his arm from Jimin's waist, which slept with his back to Hoseok. He got up, picking up his cell phone from the table, it was not yet 2:30 in the morning.

 _— Noona? —_ Hoseok answered, entering the bathroom.

_"— Why didn’t you answer me before?"_

_— Because it's 2 in the morning. —_ Hoseok sat on the floor.

_"— What? AH! I'M SO SORRY! I completely forgot."_

_— No problem, since you haven't called for a while…_

_"— I'm so sorry for that too... I've been so busy. But how are you?"_

_— I'm fine and you?_

_"— I'm fine. You know, all the things is different here in America but I'm getting used to it. But are you living well? Still working? Are you eating, right?" —_ Hoseok chuckled softly.

_— Yes Yes. It's all right._

_"— Hm… What about that?"_

_— 'That' what?_

_"— About that person... Are you still...?"_

_— Ah… Well, yes…_

_"— Is it serious? Your relationship, I mean."_

Hoseok took some time to answer.

_— His name is Jimin. We're dating._

They stood for some time in silence until she spoke in a serious voice.

_"— Are you really feeling okay about it? I mean... You haven't even dated a girl before and this thing about sexuality is so complicated…"_

_— I think I’m fine. I like him... Things will be fine._

_"— You don’t want to talk about it, do you?"_

_— To be honest? No... —_ Hoseok said and heard his sister sigh.

_“— Okay, I'll not bother you with that. I just call to say I'm coming back to Gwangju.”_

_— What? Why? You can't..._

_“— Don't worry, I'll just settle a matter about Dad's and Mom's funeral. You know, I need to pay some fees.”_

_— I know, but it's dangerous._

_“— Nothing will happen, it will only be for one day. You're in Busan, right? I want to take a look at you before come back to America. If you're too skinny I'll give you a slap.” —_ Hoseok laughed again. _— "I'm serious, kid, you said you were eating properly."_

_— But I am._

_“— I'll judge by myself when I look at you. I want to meet this boy too. Jimin, right? Anyway, I have to hang up. Send me your address later. And don't worry, nothing bad will happen."_

_— Ok... But be careful._

_“— Go back to sleep now. See you soon.”_

_— Sure. See you. —_ Hoseok waited for her to hang up. It would be nice to see his sister after all this time, but Hoseok could not help but worry that she would be in Gwangju one more time.

He spent some more time just sitting there, trying not to think of anything too bad. When he left the bathroom, Hoseok saw that the bed was empty. Hoseok left his cell phone on the table, going to the door and outside to see Jimin sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall.

 _— Your sister? —_ Hoseok sat down as well, watching Jimin wrap a dark and strong-smelling herb on a piece of paper.

_— Yes._

_— She is fine? —_ Hoseok nodded.

 _— Uhm. —_ Jimin finished wrapping the paper, moistening it with the tip of his tongue before gluing it.

_— Is it okay for you?_

_— What? —_ Jimin lifted the rolled paper.

_— The smoke can also make you feel really high._

_— All right, I guess...  —_ Jimin laughed, discouraged, and they were silent while Jimin lit the marijuana cigarette. The smell became three times stronger and Hoseok felt his stomach turn inside.

_— You said... You said that you only smoke when you want to stop thinking about something._

_— You know exactly what it is._

_— I know._

_— I'm not angry with you. —_ Jimin laughed, but his sad countenance did not match his smile. He seemed to say that more to himself than to Hoseok. _— I'm not angry..._

_— I'm glad to hear that, really..._

_— But... —_ Hoseok looked forward when Jimin took the cigarette to his mouth to swallow it. It was uncomfortable. Jimin took some time to speak again, releasing the thick smoke. _— But I'm still sad. And I don't think this will end, because... Because it hurts like when my mother left me. —_ He laughed again. _— Even so I want you to stay here, and I feel like crap. I'm being selfish, don't you think? I just don't want to be alone... Because I'm scared._

Jimin swallowed his cigarette one more time. That smoke was starting to make Hoseok feel dizzy.

 _— You can't do that. —_ Jimin looked at him in surprise. _— You're acting as if it's your fault._

_— Strength of habit._

_— It's not right… Everyone is afraid to be alone. I'm selfish, for wanting to stay here with you, after all. —_ Jimin looked down at the floor in silence.

_— It's good to hear that you want to stay, but I think I need some time._

_— I get it._

_— It's okay if you stay. I want you to stay. —_ Jimin continued to say that more to himself than to Hoseok. _— Now you'd better go back to sleep, or you will not be able to work tomorrow._

 _— You don't come? —_ Jimin laughed, finally looking at Hoseok.

_— You need not be afraid to leave me alone. I'm still the same Jimin._

_— Not for me. —_ Jimin’s smile disappeared.

_— I don't want you to see me differently, I don't want you to feel pity of me. You understand that, don't you?_

_— It's no pity. I'm scared. I don't want anything to happen to you._

_— I'm sorry for that. —_ Hoseok felt his heart hurt to see Jimin apologize for something like that. Jimin looked at him again with those red eyes and now looked sleepy. _— Come in now. You need to sleep and I need to stay alone._

Hoseok nodded, staring at him and taking a deep breath before approaching, touching Jimin's face his palm. He kissed Jimin's lips for seconds, but Jimin pushed him away, lowering his head.

 _— I'm sorry. —_ Hoseok asked, his voice so low he had barely heard himself. His hand did not leave Jimin's face.

 _— Ok. —_   Jimin closed his eyes when he felt Hoseok's lips touching his cheek and soon after the touch of his hand disappeared.

The sound of the door closing was like a trigger for Jimin, who cried in despair, feeling his heart breaking while touched his own cheek where Hoseok had kissed.

 

 

 

 

> _Even if you point your finger at me_
> 
> _And call me a coward, I'm fine with this_
> 
> _But how would you define yourself?_
> 
> _You know I can not help you_
> 
> _If I do this I'll end up just like you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, you know SF9? These boys are my new loves. Theyn't even had 200 days since the debut, but they're simply amazing. They made their comeback yesterday, and I would like to recommend their new song.   
> I hope you like it! ♥  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IhpL9bSpOY
> 
> Also, do you have twitter? Follow me if you want, I'm always talking about my new fanfics there (fanfics in Portuguese, but I intend to translate them all into English). My user is @_eroguro. I follow back, just tell me that you are a reader. ♥


	11. Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!  
> I updated faster this time because I'll spend sometime translating the sex scene between Hobi and Jimin and also translating next sidefic.  
> Also, I'm working on a new plot and it's taking me a lot of time and giving me a headache, BUT it will be another JiHope with the purest angst essence.
> 
> Here its cover:  
> https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C9jCx_2XcAAEzhN.jpg
> 
> At this moment I'm also working on a BangHim (Yongguk x Himchan) called "Chained Up", it's a 'detective x psychopath' fanfic and I wonder if someone would like to read it. If yes, I will start translating and post just when I finish to write last chapter in portuguese (that way y'all will not have to wait for so long to read updates).
> 
> Here its cover:  
> https://uploads.spiritfanfics.com/usuarios/jornal/chained-up-6080269-260720161344.jpg
> 
> Sorry for big notes ;u;

Hoseok washed the dirty dishes after eating a little. He massaged his neck, feeling tired and his body was aching because all through all week he needed to sleep uncomfortably, trying not to invade Jimin's small space in the single bed where they slept.

Jimin was more and more reclusive and he reacted every time Hoseok touched him, even unwittingly. All vivacity that Hoseok knew had completely disappeared and even his orange hair now seemed lifeless.

It was as if Jimin was disappearing.

Hoseok went to work every day feeling distressed and then returned home late in the afternoon fearing to find Jimin dead. It seemed cruel, or perhaps exaggerated, but he had to face it. That reality was hitting him so hard that within a week he thinned enough to make his clothes look twice as big. He knew that Jimin was abusing of drugs too, much more than before, and that was one more concern.

After a long shower, Hoseok finally sat a little, on the edge of the bed. Jimin had been lying for some time, wrapped in a blanket, so silent that it looked like a cocoon.

Turned on the TV, changing the channel a few times. At that hour of night it seemed like an infestation of pornographic animations, but Hoseok had not interest in this kind of thing. He finally found a news bulletin where said it would still rain a lot that night. The newscaster was back on the screen, now in a low voice to announce a murder case, according to the subtitle.

_“— A couple were found dead this afternoon in the vicinity of Gwangju International Airport. Police are investigating the motive for the crime, but the suspicion is that it is because of debt. The bodies were recognized as Won Tae Pyeong and his wife Jung Ji Woo. The recognition was made by Won's parents...”_

Hoseok could hear no more. He could not see anything else either. He stared at the TV, but the last image engraved in his mind was that of his sister's face on the news screen.

Jimin sat down suddenly.

 _— Jung, from Gwangju? —_ he looked at Hoseok wide-eyed, but Hoseok seemed completely in trance, pulling the air so hard that his lungs seemed about to burst. _— Hoseok..._

 _— Noona... —_ he whispered, but the next moment the pain in his chest made him scream. He slip from the bed to fall to his knees on the floor. Jimin also slipped, grabbing Hoseok's shoulders when he squeezed his own chest as if he had been injured. _— NOONA!_

 _— Hoseok, please... —_ Jimin hugged him, comforting him in his arms. _— Please..._

Hoseok was crying loudly, but his body seemed to have no strength, so Jimin sat down, making him lie down on his chest. Jimin was crying too, and the cause of his despair was see Hoseok like that.

 

 

 

It took time for Hoseok to stop crying. Jimin was stroking Hoseok's sweaty hair and he was still sobbed, sighing and shuddering periodically.

Jimin ran his hand over Hoseok's face, wiping away his tears.

 _— Are you awake? —_ Hoseok did not answer, but cried softly again and Jimin hugged him tight once more. _— Shhh... It's okay..._

Jimin patted Hoseok's back. They stood some time in silence until Hoseok's choked voice sounded without much control.

 _— I told her. I said it was dangerous. I asked her not to come... —_ Hoseok gripped Jimin's shirt tightly.

 _— What happened? I mean... —_ Jimin asked quietly, but Hoseok shook his head, hiding his face against Jimin's chest. _— It's okay if you tell me... Do you trust me?_

_— I trust..._

_— You need to get this pain out of your heart. Why don't you share your burden with me? Hm? I shared mine with you. —_ Hoseok sighed a few times, hugging Jimin.

 _— You weren't wrong... I was running away. —_ Jimin hugged him more tight. _— But I didn't do anything wrong._

 _— So what? —_ Hoseok laughed, completely desolate.

_— It's ridiculous..._

_— I'm sure it is not. —_ Hoseok again took some time to speak.

 _— We were going to lose our house and my father did not have the money to pay the bank... He resorted to moneylenders. They said they would give a lot of time to pay, but two weeks later they started charging. They killed my parents because we didn't have the money to pay that damn debt... They said they would be back in a week, so I ran away... —_ Hoseok cried again. _— I couldn't even do a funeral for them._

Jimin was crying, too.

_— I'm really sorry... I'm so sorry for that._

_— I don't know how things are going to be now... —_ Jimin rested his chin on top of Hoseok's head, patting his back again.

_— It's gonna be okay. Just think about it, okay? Things will be fine..._

Hoseok woke up with some difficulty, his eyelids was heavy and his eyes burned, then he rubbed them hard. He was alone in the bed and he felt comfortable. He felt as if he could lie there forever and would not mind if the mattress swallowed him up for good.

The image of his sister came back to his head and he choked on the sobbing one more time. So the last time he would see her face would be on TV news?

He reached for the cell phone under the pillow, checking the hour.

 _— Shit… —_ it was too late.

 _— I called to the chicken shop. —_ Hoseok sat down when he heard Jimin's voice. Jimin was sitting next to the table. _— I told her you couldn't go to work today._

Hoseok ran his hands over his face.

_— Thank you._

_— No problem. Jin hyung brought food, it's still warm, you should come and eat. —_ Jimin stared at him for a while when Hoseok rested his arms on the table. _— How do you feel?_

_— I feel better, thank you._

_— Do you want to walk a little later? —_ Jimin said suddenly and Hoseok raised his head to look at him. _— I mean... If you think about something else you will not feel so sad._

Hoseok forced a smile. He knew Jimin was not well, yet he was doing his best to make Hoseok feel better.

_— If you still have somewhere to show me, it would be great._

_— Of course. —_ Jimin's smile was also forced, so they both turned their attention to the food.

 

 

 

Hoseok and Jimin walked for a long time in silence. Both kept their hands in their coat pockets, Hoseok looked at window displays without much interest and Jimin walked distractedly.

 _— Do you want ice cream? —_ Hoseok caught Jimin's attention.

_— I want._

_— Which flavor?_

_— Strawberry._

_— Wait for me here. —_ Hoseok crossed the street, entering a small ice cream parlor on the opposite side. It was not long before he came back, bringing two ice cream, delivering the pink one to Jimin.

 _— Thank you. —_ Jimin thanked him, looking happy.

They sat in the first square they found, because Jimin seemed to have some difficulty eating and walking at the same time. Hoseok looked around. He did not know that part of the city, but he could not feel interested in her, not even in his ice cream.

 _— It's funny. —_ Jimin said suddenly.

_— What?_

_— We look like a couple. —_ Hoseok frowned.

 _— We are not? —_ Jimin laughed, shaking his head.

 _— I mean a couple. A boy and a girl who can walk around holding hands and go out for a date, and have an ice cream, those things. —_ Hoseok bowed his head.

_— I'm sorry we've never done this before._

_— Don't worry, I'm glad we're doing it now. —_ Jimin smiled again and Hoseok's heart ached a little more. _— Hoseok... How do you feel? —_ Hoseok stared at him for a while, then lowered his head again, sighing when he felt Jimin reach for his hand to entwine his fingers. _— Thank you for venting with me yesterday... For trusting me. I'm really sorry for what happened, but I want you to be fine. I want everything to be as well as before._

_— I want too. I want you to forgive me, but at the same time I don't think it's fair..._

_— I already said that I don't blame you and that I understand what happened. I really understand. You know, the days I spent with you were the best of my life. I asked you to fill me with hope, but I’m selfish and I didn't realize how much you need it too._

_— You're not selfish. You did it for me, even if you don't know. You made me want to go on, even without know me and even when I had no other reason. —_ Jimin pressed Hoseok's hand tightened.

 _— Is good to hear that. Very good. —_ Jimin smiled, staring at him, but his smile faded when he looked at something behind Hoseok's head. He stood up suddenly, letting the ice cream fall.

Hoseok also stood up when Jimin began to walk away.

 _— Jimin?! —_ Hoseok followed him, trying to find any reference to what Jimin saw. _— Where are you going?_

Jimin did not answered, kept walking faster and faster, turning two corners afterwards and starting to run.

The empty alley allowed Hoseok to see someone running several steps forward, green hair was known, so Hoseok also ran.

The streets there were narrow, slippery, and their footsteps rushing made a lot of noise, catching the attention of some merchants.

They ran hard enough for Hoseok to feel his lungs ache and he thanked when Yoongi fell, betrayed by the damp ground. He stopped a few steps away, trying to breathe while he watched Jimin grab Yoongi by the collar of his jacket, pulling him up with a single tug and hitting him against the wall.

 _— Why were you looking at us? —_ Yoongi just kept laughing and the punch that Jimin hit right on Yoongi's face made a loud noise. He punched Yoongi directly in the face another five or six times before letting him fell once more.

Yoongi spat blood and wiped the blood from his nose. He was still smiling when he looked at Hoseok and his teeth were stained red, then looked up at Jimin.

 _— You're dead. —_ He spat more blood. _— Can you hear me, Park Jimin? YOU'RE DEAD!_

Jimin hit at least two more kicks in Yoongi before Hoseok grabbed him by the arm, pulling him away. He trembled and his hand was dirty with the blood.

 _— Don’t you dare appear before us again. You got it? I'll end with you. I'm going to destroy you. —_ Jimin said, staring at Yoongi while Hoseok took him away.

They came back all the way and then searched for any establishment where they could use the bathroom.

It was not much blood, but Hoseok held Jimin's hands under the tap until he stopped shaking.

 _— Why did you do that? —_ Jimin stared at him for a while, then laughed.

 _— I don't know. I felt a lot of anger when I saw his face. But if you want to know, I feel feel really better now. —_ Hoseok smiled, staring at him, then bowed slightly fearing to get closer, but Jimin stood on tiptoe, wrapping his neck before kissing him.

Hoseok was not sure, but he thought it was relief what was making his heart beat so hard and fast and he wrapped Jimin's waist with his arms, pressing him against his body and feeling his warmth.

Jimin's fingers tightened on his hair, but Hoseok liked the sensation. He liked how Jimin was hanging from his neck and how he had to hold him. He liked how Jimin tried to balance on tiptoe. He liked how Jimin bit his lip once or twice, and also the hot breath that beat against his mouth.

Hoseok liked him.

He liked everything about Jimin.

 _— Hoseok? —_ Jimin said quietly, keeping on tiptoe. He framed Hoseok's face with both hands, smiling, but his face was flushed. _— I love you. —_ Hoseok felt something rise up his throat, but it was not his heart. His heart was beating hard inside his chest. He opened his mouth a few times, but he had no voice, so Jimin laughed, kissing him again. _— You don’t have to tell me anything. Not now. Now we'd better go home._

Jimin laughed again, kissing Hoseok before releasing him.

They left the place in silence, though Jimin seemed alive again. The streets were full of people at that time.

Hoseok wished he had kept in his memory Jimin's last words while they walked, but it was quickly replaced by his sister's image. He wondered if Tae Pyeong's family would take care of her wake.

He blinked several times, trying to stave off stubborn tears, and only then did he realize that Jimin had stopped walking.

 _— Jimin? —_ Jimin was paralyzed and his features had been filled with fear, but Hoseok also saw sadness. _— Jimin, what happened?_

Hoseok was about to approach, but before he could do that, Jimin took a few strides forward.

_— Mom…?_

> _At the moment of my fall, will someone hold my hand?_
> 
> _Just tell me that I can survive in this cold world,_
> 
> _I know the sun will shine one day at a time_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jimin's mom (actress Do Jiwon): https://i2.wp.com/star.koreandrama.org/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/Do-Ji-Won-11.jpg
> 
> Jimin's stepfather (actor Kim Myungmin): https://proxy.spiritfanfics.com/proxy.jpg?t=aHR0cDovL2kyOTQucGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29tL2FsYnVtcy9tbTk2L2phdmFiZWFuczEyMi9hY3QvMjAwOS9rbW1fMTQuanBn&s=0fe484ef0d13b164561210d1003af2b1
> 
> "They will be in the next chapter."


	12. Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last side was posted, is about the sad story between friends Namjoon and Jin, called "Unbreakable". It must be readed between chapters 12 and 13.  
> I'll leave the link at the end.  
> Well... the next chapter is the last, right? I'm getting anxious and sad, but we have to face the end, so I'll leave it to talk to you in the next chapter. ♥

Jimin walked slowly standing a little behind Hoseok. He liked to watch Hoseok walking. Even though Hoseok's countenance was sad and worried, he still looked very handsome.

Jimin laughed at himself for thinking such silly things, but at least he was sure he was really in love. He wish he could hold Hoseok's hand right there, at least once.

He turned away from some people who had just come out of a expasive restaurant, smiling and nodding to a young woman who was looking at him curiously, perhaps because of jis orange hair.

Another group of people left the restaurant and Jimin could not help but look at each of their faces. The man in front had a hard countenance, and the boy walking beside him wore expensive clothes. Behind, two women came, but not together. One seemed to be a nanny, because she was not wearing good clothes and was carrying a girl on her lap. The other woman was elegant, beautiful, had long hair and wore a beautiful dress.

Jimin looked at her face, feeling as if everything around were happening in slow motion. His heart was failing as well as his legs. He could see Hoseok right in front of him, he was say something, but his voice seemed far away.

The woman walked toward the car, but before she could get in, Jimin took a few steps forward, clumsy and staggering, seeming to fall.

— Mom? — the woman stopped, but did not look at him. She whispered something to the driver who was holding the door and he nodded, waiting for her to come in and then close the door.

Jimin saw the man say anything through an in-ear before he got into the car. Hoseok turned to see the car pulling away, then approached Jimin, who was pale as paper, grabbing him by the shoulders.

Jimin saw the man say anything through an earpiece before he got into the car. Hoseok turned to see the car pulling away, then approached Jimin, who was pale as paper, grabbing him by the shoulders.

 _— Jimin, are you okay? —_ The boy did not answer, his eyes were filled with tears, and he looked shocked. _— Jimin?_

 _— My mother... —_ Jimin trembled so much that Hoseok was afraid he would fall at any moment.

 _— Excuse me. —_ Hoseok turned to see the man standing behind him. He wore a suit and tie and was quite tall, he spoke looking directly at Jimin. _— You have to come with me._

 _— Who are you? —_ It was Hoseok who asked, but the man kept looking at Jimin.

_— Mrs. Park demands that you come with me._

Jimin finally reacted, wiping the first tears down his cheeks, then grabbed Hoseok's wrist.

The man finally looked at Hoseok, but did not say anything else, just turned his back on them, starting to walk away. Jimin was following him, but Hoseok caught his hand, causing him to stop and stared at him with a serious expression on his face.

_— If it hurts you, then you don't have to go._

Jimin looked at him for a long time, then smiled, but he was still crying. He interlaced his fingers to Hoseok's and he felt his heart break into several pieces.

_— You're with me._

Hoseok tried to resist a little more, but Jimin squeezed his hand, then they both went to the car where the man was waiting for them.

 

 

 

 

No one said a word inside the car, not even when they got out of it, and they went into a large shed that held a pile of cardboard boxes.

Jimin gripped Hoseok's hand all the time, continued to squeeze it even though his hand was very shaky. He started walking toward the back of the shed, where there were some people, but Hoseok stopped him once more.

_— You should talk to her alone._

_— I want you to come with me. —_ Hoseok stared at him. _— Please..._

Hoseok smiled, trying to demonstrate security, vut he felt distressed. Jimin walked again, pulling Hoseok toward where people were waiting. He looked directly at the woman who was sitting in one of the boxes, but she did not look at him, there was a body guard standing in front of her.

 _— I thought I had been very clear with you. —_ a man stepped forward and said, and Jimin lowered his head.

 _— I'm so sorry. —_ Jimin looked at his mother, but the next moment the man hit his face with a slap that almost brought him to the floor. He squeezed Hoseok's hand harder, almost like a warning that he could do nothing.

_— Are you sorry? Are you sorry, bastard? You feel sorry for what? Just because you came back from the hell? Or because you called her "mom" in front of our children? In front of everyone?_

Jimin was crying again and Hoseok felt as if he could no longer breathe. The man hit Jimin's face one more time, then the woman stood up, but did not look worried about Jimin.

 _— Do Jeon, let me talk to him. —_ then the man stepped back, letting the woman approach. She stared at Hoseok for a while, then turned her eyes to Jimin, staring from his orange hair to the ripped jeans. Her gaze lingered on his fingers interlaced with Hoseok's, then she smiled wryly. _— You're still the same._

Jimin smiled too.

 _— I'm happy to see you. —_ her smile disappeared.

 _— How many times do I have to repeat the same thing? —_ Jimin stared at her. _— I don't want to see you anymore. I don't want you to appear in front of me ever again. You don't understand? I made my choice and you were not included in it. —_ She approached to Jimin long enough to hold his face and whisper in his ear, but Hoseok still could hear her. _— Do you know how hard it was to me to be a single mother? I hated having to raise you and I wanted you to die. When I first met Do Jeon I thought I was saved, but you were there... Do you have any idea what I had to deal with because he did not accept you? Yet he helped me keep you alive for so long. When I decided to give up on you, my life has changed. I have everything in my hands. Money, power, a family. Who do you think you are to suddenly appear and call me "mom" in front of all those people?_

 _— I'm sorry... —_ Jimin whispered, his body shaking and he kept his head down all the time, still crying a lot. _— I didn't mean to... I didn't mean to appear like this... I thought you still lived in Hangzhou._

_— Whether in Busan or Hangzhou, you can’t call me "mom". I'm not your mom. I don't want to see your face or your miserable appearance again. You don't want to see me too, okay?_

_— Come on, Ji Woo. —_ Do Jeon called and she smiled once more while she walked away from Jimin. She looked at their hands still intertwined again before turning his back on them, and then Hoseok felt a heavy blow to the head, which brought him to the floor instantly.

 _— Don't kill them. —_ Hoseok heard Do Jeon saying, but now the shed seemed darker and the sounds were muffled and distant, like a dream.

Hoseok saw Jimin being pulled and then somebody held him from behind, but everything went completely dark, and although Hoseok could still hear the sound of the punches, soon everything was quiet too.

 

 

 

 

Hoseok was sure that his eyes were open, but he could not see anything and he could not breathe either. He tried to pass a hand over his face, touching the fabric bag that covered his head, pushing it away.

He rested his hands on the floor, feeling the damp sand between his fingers and only then realized the sound of the sea. Hoseok got to his knees, feeling his head hurt, but he looked from side to side. He was on a beach, the sun had gone and there was no one there and the moon painted the sand of grey.

 _— Jimin... —_ he whispered, twisting his body from side to side, but he saw no one. _— JIMIN? —_ he stood up awkwardly, looking once more all-around before he began to run.

Hoseok screamed Jimin's name a few more times, but his head ached and the sand made his legs look heavy enough to throw him on the ground several times. At last he let himself fall. He cringed, feeling the sand tangled in his hair, crying loudly for long minutes and then fell silent.

It was cold and only then he could realize that he was barefoot. Hoseok laughed. He was so worried about Jimin that he could not understand what had happened to himself.

 _— Where are you…? Please be alive... Please. —_ he was crying again, and the sense of incapacity seemed to gnaw through her bones. _— I can't get to you... Please be alive..._

Hoseok reached for the cell phone in his pants pocket, looking for Jin's number, not thinking much before calling.

_"The called number is off or can not receive this call at this moment."_

He tried several times, but he always heard the same message. Even Namjoon was not answering. He dialed Jimin's number, although he feared that it might be a bad idea, but the next moment he heard a cell phone ringing not too far away.

Hoseok scrambled to his feet when he recognized the strange music that played whenever someone called Jimin, then ran toward to the sound, letting his cell phone fall anywhere when he finally saw his body.

Hoseok ran to Jimin and pulled him away from the water that was already reaching his feet. Dragged Jimin's body until his own body also gave way, and Hoseok also fell down on the floor, but he did not care, just grabbed Jimin pulling him to his lap.

Jimin's face was swollen and red, there was blood on his mouth and on his nose and he groaned when Hoseok pulled him, but he remained unconscious. Even so, Hoseok felt as if his heart was going to explode, because even injured, Jimin was still alive.

 _— Thank God... —_ Hoseok hugged him tightly and Jimin groaned again. _— What do I do...? —_ he searched for Jimin's cell phone, which had stopped ringing, searching for the number of Jin. He called a few more times, but he heard the same message as before. _— Damn it..._

He left Jimin on the floor to pick up his own cell phone, tucked it in his pocket, then lifted Jimin's body placing him with some difficulty in his back. He had to take him to a hospital, and this time he would not hesitate for a moment.

 

 

 

The doctor had filled Hoseok with questions, but he could not answer. Some because he did not want to expose Jimin, others because he simply did not know. In the end the doctor only got tired of how much Hoseok stammered nervously and asked the nurse to do anything to ease the pain of the blow that Hoseok had received on his head.

Namjoon had finally called back and Hoseok warned about Jimin. He did not explain, he did not want to do it by cell phone.

Jimin still had not woken up, but the doctor said he was fine and that he only needed some time to recover, so Hoseok felt he could relax at least for some minutes in the abandoned chair in the corner of the room.

He could not tell if he had actually slept, but when he managed to reopen his eyes, the first thing he saw was the silhouette of someone near the bed. He rubbed his eyes, stretching before he rose.

It was Namjoon who came toward him. He looked very tired and worried at the same time.

 _— Hyung, what happened? Why is he so hurt? —_ Namjoon grabbed him by the shoulders. _— Are you okay? Did not they hurt you? Why are you covered with sand?_

_— I'm fine, don't worry._

_— What about him? —_ Hoseok looked at Jimin who was still asleep. _— Were those guys again?_

Hoseok looked startled at Namjoon.

_— Do you know about that?_

_— Everyone knows, just pretend not. —_ Hoseok shook his head.

 _— His mother... —_ Namjoon opened his mouth ready to answer whatever it was, but did not say anything, continued looking at Hoseok completely shocked, before turning his eyes to Jimin.

Hoseok wanted to be surprised by Namjoon's reaction, but he knew, now better than anyone else, what that meant. He was sure that Jimin still had hopes for his mother and he knew that if Jimin was not broken before, now nothing could fix him.

 

 

> _I did not know that there were these many ways_
> 
> _that I can’t go and ways that I can’t take_
> 
> _I've never felt this way before_
> 
> _Was I becoming an adult?_
> 
> _This is too hard_
> 
> _Is this the right path for me?_
> 
> _I'm very confused_
> 
> _Never leave me alone_
> 
> _I still believe, even if it's unbelievable._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sidefic: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10734324


	13. Tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god... we have reached the last chapter.  
> I feel really sad (both by the end and by the content of the chapter) and I apologize right away. But, I warned from the beginning that things would be very sad here.  
> Things have to come to an end before they stop making sense...  
> Acknowledgements notes at the end.

Hoseok woke up startled when Jimin tapped his chest and grabbed his shirt, pulling it hard. He sat down, holding Jimin against the bed, which grabbed Hoseok's arms and squeezed to the point of hurt.

 _— Jimin? Jimin, it's just a nightmare! —_ Hoseok slapped Jimin's face lightly. Jimin was breathing hard, and his face began to turn red and sweaty. _— Jimin, wake up. It's a nightmare._

Jimin opened his eyes, staring at Hoseok and looking desperate, then lifted his body suddenly, hugging Hoseok tightly.

_— My mom was killing me. Her hands were on my neck and she was suffocating me..._

_— It was just a nightmare, calm down. —_ Hoseok stroked his orange hair, then laid Jimin back on the mattress. He ran his hand over Jimin's forehead, wiping away the sweat. It was hard to deal with all of Jimin's nightmares during all week, when he could feel it in his own skin.

Hoseok lay down, laying Jimin's head on his shoulder, wrapping him in a comfortable hug.

 _— I don't want to die… —_ Jimin whispered.

_— You're not going to die. It's was just a nightmare._

_— No, Hoseok, I don't want to die… —_ Hoseok was silent. _— Last six years I've only thought about it. I wanted to be in peace. I wanted to stop feeling all this pain and this sadness. But after you came, I feel like living again..._

Hoseok hugged him harder, leaving a kiss on the top of his head.

_— You have no idea how much happy I feel to hear it, really... Do you remember when I said that I believe things happen how, when and where it should happen? When we met on train, I think it was meant to be._

Jimin sighed, looking more calm.

_— I like it when you say those things._

They were both silent for a while.

 _— Jimin? —_ Hoseok called in a whisper.

_— Hm…?_

_— I love you. —_ Hoseok said very fast and very low, at the same time felt Jimin grabbing his shirt. _— I want to leave all the bad things behind. I want to forget everything that happened. I want to be someone completely new and I want to make you happy more than anything else... —_ Hoseok heard Jimin cry softly, hiding his face against his chest. _— But I want you to do it too. I want you to be strong and bury all the things that make you sick._

 _— I can't. —_ Jimin sobbed and his voice was so choked with tears that Hoseok could barely understand him.

_— I know you can._

_— I can't... I can't do it..._

_— I'll be with you. No problem if you fall, I'll hold you and make you stand up. If I fall too, then I'll get up and pull you. —_ Jimin did not answer. _— Can you promise me you will try? I can't do this alone..._

Jimin sighed, wiping the tears, still hiding his face against Hoseok's chest. His embrace was comfortable and secure, Jimin felt his heart calm down in a strange but very agreeable way.

_— I promise you..._

It was hard to concentrate on work the whole next day. When Hoseok left the house, Jimin was still sleeping as usual, but now there was a strange feeling stuck in his throat.

What he had asked to Jimin, he did not know if he could handle it himself.

 _— You're sick? —_ The owner of the fried chicken shop asked when Hoseok left the large thermal bag on the counter. He shook his head, but he could not be gentle this time. _— A customer called saying the chicken he got was cold._

 _— The traffic was complicated. He didn't pay me anyway. You can deduct from my payment. —_ the woman continued to stare at him.

_— Are not you really sick? Oh, whatever. You can go home now._

_— Okay. See you tomorrow._

Before leaving, Hoseok put the bag and helmet in a closet.

The sun light began to say goodbye and the weather was cooling. Hoseok walked with his head down for a while, noticing someone imitating his footsteps across the street. He stuck his hands in his pockets after pulling the hood of his sweatshirt to cover his head, but he could still see the other person walking a step or two behind, staring at him.

He walked a little faster and the other person did too, so Hoseok stopped, turning ready to scream the first offensive word that came to his head, but his expression changed from angry to confused.

It was Jimin, he was serious, but he seemed purposeful serious. Hoseok can not help smiling, seeing Jimin cross the street also with his hands in the pockets of the sweatshirt which belonged to Hoseok. He let his gaze run through him. The sweatshirt that was too long, his pants was still the same ripped on his knees. The lollipop's white stick that he moved with his tongue slid on his lips from one side to the other and seemed exaggeratedly sensual mainly because he was staring at Hoseok with those eyes full of insinuations.

But Hoseok's attention was caught in Jimin's hair, now as dark as the color of his eyes. He felt comfortable in admitting to himself that Jimin was really handsome and looked younger and more alive with black hair.

Hoseok was smiling, but he did not even notice it.

 _— If I see you looking like this to anyone else, you will be a dead man, you got it? —_ Jimin tapped his finger on Hoseok's chest, which laughed again. _— Why are you laughing?_

_— I like it._

_— What?_

_— Your hair. You look good._

_— Ah! —_ Jimin ran his fingers through his hair, combing it back. His voice was very safe, but his cheeks were red. _— I always look good. What are you saying?_

Hoseok laughed again. He liked how Jimin looked excited and happy.

 _— Why are you here? —_ Jimin smiled broadly and his large cheeks made his eyes almost disappear. He looked like a cute kid and Hoseok felt his heartbeat rise again.

 _— I missed you, so I thought it would be nice to come and wait for you. —_ His smile faded when he bit his lip. _— Why? Was not nice?_

Hoseok laughed.

 _— I loved the idea, I hope you do it more often. —_ Jimin also laughed, hugging Hoseok by the hip, laying his head on his shoulder when he felt Hoseok hugging him.

 _— Then I'll come every day. —_ Jimin took the lollipop out of his mouth and gave a quick kiss to Hoseok, watching him looking from side to side, startled, but only a few high school girls were around giggling suspiciously while whispered to each other and looking at Jimin and Hoseok, seeming excited about the scene they had witnessed.

_— Are you crazy?_

_— Possibly. —_ Jimin laughed, releasing Hoseok and starting to walk. Hoseok followed him, still startled. _— That bitch didn't give you the leftovers today?_

_— What?_

_— Chicken leftovers._

_— Ah yes, yes. I just wanted to go home, so I didn't remember to take it._

_— Okay, there's still some pieces in the fridge. Can we buy rice?_

_— Of course._

_— And soda?_

_— Yes. —_ Jimin smiled, shrugging his shoulders, looking even more excited, and Hoseok could not help smiling too.

The noise of bored and uneven claps caught their attention.Just ahead, leaning against a car, Yoongi was looking at them. He stopped clapping when Hoseok and Jimin stopped walking to look at him, then took a few steps forward and his gaze did not leave Hoseok's.

 _— You two are so cute. —_ Yoongi did not laugh and his voice was monotonous, but it was obvious that he was trying to control his anger. Hoseok noticed that his face was still stained by the punches he had taken from Jimin. _— I'm sick._

 _— Last time was not enough? I'm going to break your face, you… —_ Jimin took a step forward, but Hoseok held his wrist when he saw Himchan go around the car. He did not stop walking, but looked directly at Jimin with a neutral expression on his face and nodding his head he pointed to a door before entering through it.

Jimin stared at Yoongi for a little while, then walked quickly to the door. Hoseok imitated him, but Yoongi held his arm tightly.

_— You must stay._

_— Let me go, or it's me who's going to hit you this time. —_ Hoseok turned back to face Yoongi, tapping his chest and pushing him away.

Yoongi rested his hand where Hoseok had hit, but it was his heart that ached. Hoseok turned his back on Yoongi and headed for the door, then ran to accompany Jimin.

The " _tap tap_ " that Himchan's shoes caused against the slate floor was annoying, he was already many steps ahead and in any moment looked behind, not even to see if Jimin was following him.

That alley led them down to the parallel street, crossing the high building block. Himchan crossed the other street, entering another alley amid the buildings on the next block.

Hoseok knew that Yoongi followed them too many steps behind, looking fearful.

They crossed many blocks and many streets. Hoseok had no idea where he was, but Jimin seemed accustomed to the precariousness of the place. The narrow, dirty, moist streets smelled mold and sweat, and the people walking there leaned against the iron doors, making a way to Himchan.

They walked to the end of the street, where Himchan opened a large iron door, pushing it up and waiting this time. Jimin and Hoseok passed him, moving on and Hoseok noticed Himchan's gaze falling on Jimin.

They were inside a big shed, but the place was empty. Jimin walked to the middle, turning back to the door, watching Himchan hold Yoongi by the collar of his jacket. They talked about something, but Jimin and Hoseok could not hear.

Yoongi almost fell when Himchan released him, then walked into the shed, keeping his gaze away from Jimin and Hoseok, going to the switch to finally throw some light on them.

Jimin took a step back when he saw Bang entering the shed and felt Hoseok grip his wrist tightly. Bang approached the two and looked different from the last time, his expression was serious.

_— I hate having to deal with people like you, Park. You broke my heart lying to me that way._

_— Lying? —_ Jimin's voice made clear he was nervous.

 _— You don't remember every time you said “I-I'll pay y-you"?—_ Bang tuned his voice, doing a sketchy imitation, ridiculing Jimin. _— I heard you and Himchan were friends in the past, right? I swear I tried to be patient just because of him, he really asked me a lot to give you more time, but don't you think I was too good? You owe me a lot of money. You know what happens to people who owe me a lot of money?_

 _— H-How much is...? —_ Hoseok began to speak.

 _— No! —_ Jimin turned abruptly, pushing Hoseok back without violence, then grabbed his sweatshirt, starting to cry. _— Please, no._

Hoseok pushed Jimin away, stepping forward to face Bang.

 _— Tell me the value of the debt. —_ Bang laughed.

 _— It's the kid from the chicken shop, right? —_   It was Himchan who confirmed. _— You intend to pay me with your wretched salary? I'm not interested._

_— I-I can... I can…_

_— I didn't come here to bargain, kid. —_ Bang laughed, turning his attention to Jimin. _— It's really a shame. You should have agreed to work for me when you had the chance. —_ He lifted his hand, leading it toward Jimin's face, but Hoseok push it away. Bang laughed once more, taking a step back, standing side by side with Himchan.

Hoseok pulled Jimin, hiding him behind his own body when Yoongi took a few awkward steps forward, pulling a gun from the waistband of his pants. Jimin pulled Hoseok's sweatshirt hard, forcing him to take a few steps back when Yoongi raised his arms, pointing the gun at them.

Yoongi's arms were shaking so hard he could barely hold the gun, but he had a nervous smile on his face.

_— Get out of the way, Hoseok._

_— You don't have to do this... —_ Hoseok spoke quietly, but did not move. He heard Jimin's heavy breathing on his back and wanted to think of a way to get him out. _— Yoongi..._

 _— SHUT UP! —_ The gun shook even more and Hoseok took another step back. Bang looked at them with a neutral look on his face and it looked like nothing was happening to him, but Himchan was pale and sweaty. _— PLEASE GET OUT OF THE WAY!_

Hoseok blinked a few times when his vision blurred with tears, then shook his head.

 _— I'll not get out of the way. —_ Yoongi could not stop the first tears from escaping from his eyes and then laughed.

_— Die for him?_

_— Hoseok... —_ Jimin whispered and hugged Hoseok, his voice was squeaky.

 _— Are you going to shoot me? —_ Hoseok ignored Jimin who was crying with his head leaning on his back. _— If you shoot me, will the debt be paid?_

Hoseok looked at Bang who now seemed to amuse himself with the scene and considered answering when the shed door opened with a bang, revealing a frightened and panting young man. Hoseok remembered him, his name was Daehyun.

 _— The police. The police are coming in. —_ Bang stared at Hoseok, looking away at Jimin, and the next moment everyone was taken aback by the shot Bang hit at Himchan's thigh.

Himchan dropped to his knees before lay on the floor, screaming in pain, pressing his trembling hands over the hole the bullet had opened in his thigh and soon everything was stained with blood.

Bang laughed, but he looked nervous and angry.

 _— Did you betray me to save this idiot? —_ Then Bang turned to point the gun directly at Yoongi's head. _— Shoot them before I kill you._

Yoongi pointed the gun once more at the other two, but Hoseok remained motionless. The boy's hands with green hair shook even more and he probably could not see anything with so many tears in his eyes.

They could already hear the screaming outside when Daehyun ran to Bang, grabbing his arm. Yoongi lowered his gun, looking defeated when he stared at the ceiling, trying to control the crying.

 _— HYUNG, YOU NEED TO RUN! —_ Daehyun pulled Bang, who gave in, looking at Hoseok again before running out the door with Daehyun, who seemed to be the most desperate among them all.

 _— Come on! —_ Hoseok pulled Jimin by the wrist. Jimin was so pale and catatonic, and he was sweating, but his skin was icy.

Hoseok practically dragged Jimin, trying to reach the door as quickly as possible. The police were there and even if they did not believe Hoseok and Jimin were not bad guys, at least they would be safe.

They were just a few steps from the door when another shot made them both stop abruptly. Hoseok felt dizzy and his stomach fluttered inside his body. He gripped Jimin's wrist more tightly between his fingers when felt his body begin to fall. But Hoseok could not hold him and watched Jimin fall hitting against the dirty floor.

All the sounds were gone.

All the movements were slow and strange.

Hoseok turned to see Yoongi still holding the gun pointed at them, but he dropped it shortly.

 _— Hoseok... —_ Yoongi whispered taking a step forward, but a third shot coming from Himchan's gun hit Yoongi's leg, which also fell, and then Himchan crawled into a corner, leaning against the wall, still Pressing his wound leg and he did not seem intent on running away.

Then Hoseok fell to his knees, not even feeling the pain of friction with the ground. Nothing made sense in his head anymore. The bloodstain spread exactly in the middle of Jimin's back. Hoseok could see it even through the black sweatshirt.

Hoseok pulled him into his lap, sitting down on the floor. Jimin looked at him with an interrogative expression on his face, he did not seem to understand what was happening and he was breathing very hard.

 _— It's ok... Ok... —_ Jimin's hot blood penetrated the fabric of Hoseok's pants, burning his skin and making him choke on his own crying. _— You just have to hold on a little, okay? Just a little..._

Jimin was not even smiling, but Hoseok could hear his laughter inside his head.

He felt like he was going crazy.

He felt like he was into a bad dream and soon he would wake up with Jimin shaking him and laughing at his fearful face. But Jimin only looked at Hoseok continuously, blinking at all times, and with each blink it took longer to open his eyes.

 _— Hoseok... —_ he finally spoke, almost voiceless.

 _— Don't say anything. The police are here, they'll get you out of here. —_ Hoseok ran his hand over Jimin's face, wiping away the dirt stuck to his sweat. He stroked Jimin's hair, forcing a smile through tears, but his voice gave no confidence. _— They'll get you out of here._

Jimin put a hand to Hoseok's face, wiping away a few tears, but there was still no sign of a smile on his face.

_— I'm so sleepy..._

_— No..._

_— I don't know what is it... But I think I'm dying..._

_— You're not going to die... You can't, you can't... —_ Hoseok pulled him closer, hugging him awkwardly and crying loudly. He could no longer control the pain and despair that burst from his chest.

 _— It's ok... —_ Jimin coughed, feeling the ferric taste of blood filling his mouth. _— Hoseok, listen... —_ Hoseok stared at him. _— Don't blame yourself... For nothing. Do you promise me? I don't want you to cry... You made me so happy... You can't cry..._

Jimin stopped suddenly, coughing again, unable to stop the blood from running down his chin. Hoseok hastened to entwine his fingers to Jimin's, squeezing a little. His hands were dirt with blood and Jimin's hands were sweaty, but both trembled with the same intensity.

 _— You see? We're holding hands... —_ Hoseok sighed a few times, trying to find words. Jimin looked at his joined hands and an almost imperceptible smile appeared on his face. Hoseok looked at their hands too, feeling Jimin shake his hand with the strength he still had. _— We're holding hands... It was what you wanted, right? We're holding hands... I'm sorry I haven't done this before... I'm really sorry. I..._

Then the slight squeeze that Jimin made was over and his small hand seemed heavier, yet Hoseok could not release Jimin's hand. He looked at his face. His beautiful eyes were now closed in a perfect line, the light and calm countenance seemed to be plunged into a good, deep sleep.

The peace that exuded from him did not match the pain that crushed Hoseok's heart.

Jimin was dead and Hoseok felt that he was too.

 

 

 

 

There were no photos on the altar, only flowers. The frame remained empty.

No memories.

Thanks to Jin's family, he could have a decent funeral. Hoseok did not know them, but he had to thank them unceasingly for it, perhaps for the rest of his life.

All meals had been prepared, but no one had come on the first day¹, not even Jimin's mother, whom the police had called incessantly the day before.

Maybe it would be better if she did not come.

She certainly did not care.

Hoseok took off his tie, leaving it on the floor near the suit Namjoon had gotten for him. He was, for at least half an hour, sitting on the porch of the place the Kim family had rented, and the view there was very beautiful. He smiled at the thought of how Jimin would like to be there.

The day before he could not participate in the preparations for the funeral and cremation of the body, he had to give testimony, to tell the same story again and again. Maybe they wanted to get him into a lie.

He heard that Yoongi and Himchan had been taken to the hospital, and that Himchan had confessed everything. Soon they would be taken to jail, but there was no news about Bang. Either way, none of that made his heart calm.

It would not bring Jimin back.

 _— Hyung? —_ He was startled to hear Namjoon's voice and only then did he see the boy sitting next to him.  _— I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you._

_— It's all right. How are things in there?_

_— It's ok. —_ Hoseok looked at Namjoon for a while and noticed his red face and puffy eyes. _— He was happy._

_— What?_

_— Jimin. He was happy. —_ Namjoon smiled, looking forward where the wind swayed some trees. _— I lived with him for about seven years and many bad things happened, but ever since you arrived he was smiling and full of life again. I think you're the best thing that ever happened to him. I'm sure he was very happy during the time he spent with you._

Hoseok smiled, trying not to show much of his emotional upset when Namjoon squeezed his shoulder.

 _— I'm glad to hear that. —_ Namjoon smiled.

_— Don't stay away from us. We're your friends too._

_— Don't worry. I'm sure he would't want me to do that._

Hoseok remembered the day he'd met Jimin, and the words he had told.

_“If you really want a new beginning, you can't do it alone. It would be madness.” ²_

He smiled with the sure he had kept Jimin’s nasal voice in his memories.

They heard a forced cough and turned around to see Jin just behind them.

 _— We can talk? —_ He looked directly at Hoseok.

 _— Of course. —_ Jin passed by them, down the few steps that led to the path of stones in the middle of the lawn. They stood up and Namjoon said good-bye to Hoseok with a pat on the shoulder.

Jin walked in silence and Hoseok followed him a few steps behind, stopping when Jin did too.

 _— You stayed with him until the end. —_ Jin said then, suddenly turning to face him. His eyes were red and he had huge rings under his eyes.

Hoseok looked away at something in the landscape. The way Jin spoke still seemed uncertain about him.

 _— I'd like to thank your parents formally afterwards. —_ Jin nodded, waiting for some time to speak.

 _— I know... I know I gave you reason not to want to talk to me even now… I was very hostile, but I was afraid. —_ Hoseok looked at him again. _— I was afraid you would make him suffer even more._

_— I understand... I really do._

_— I hope there's no resentment between us._

_— There are none of me. —_ Hoseok forced a friendly smile and Jin shook his head, was visibly swallowing the crying.

 _— We have to go… —_ They were both surprised by the voice of Namjoon very close to them.

 _— Oh, right! —_ Jin rubbed his eyes.

 _— I'm sorry we have to leave now. I need to sort out some college stuff and Jin hyung needs… —_ Namjoon stopped, thoughtfully. _— There's a thing he need to do, but we'll be back tonight._

 _— Alright, don’t worry. —_ Hoseok forced another smile, watching the two friends walk away.

Hoseok knew exactly what "thing" Jin had to do, Namjoon had talked with him in the hospital, in the same night Jimin had met his mother. He knew that Jin was accusing a man called Siwon of physical assault and that Namjoon had saved him that night.

Hoseok felt sad for both of them. Jin still had feelings for Namjoon, but Namjoon would always be just a friend. A super friend. A superhero.

He walked slowly back to the rented place, picked up his suit and tie from the floor before entering, feeling his stomach ache with hunger. He had not eaten anything since that day…

He went to the room where the meals had been prepared. Namjoon and Jin had certainly eaten.

He picked up a bowl of yukgaejang³, sitting in a corner. He would like to eat in peace, but the silence was replaced by the nervous whispers coming from the next room.

 _— You could at least answer my messages. Do you have any idea how I feel without having any news of you? —_ That deep voice was certainly Taehyung. _— Is it so difficult to answer me? I'm not asking to see you or anything, I just want you to answer my messages, I just need to know if you're okay._

 _— I'm fine, you see. —_ Hoseok deduced that the other voice was from Jungkook. He had not spoken to the youngest many times and did not have much sympathy for what he did with Taehyung, but he was sure things between the two would not change since Jungkook did not seem willing to change his tough head.

Hoseok set the bowl of yukgaejang back on the table and rose to leave the room. He was not in the mood to stay there listening to their discussion.

He went to the next room, leaving his suit and tie in a corner. On the opposite side, the flower crowns covered almost the entire wall, and the dark wood altar was beautiful and well polished. The frame without picture was still a nuisance, but not as much as the white urn just below it. The stench of incense stung everything and caused some nausea.

Hoseok walked into the middle of the room, staring at the altar for such a long time, then knelt down, sighing before he bent his body, placing both hands on the floor and resting his forehead on them.

He repeated the gesture of lifting his body and bowing to the ground several times until he was no longer able to stand up and the urge to cry was stuck in his throat.

 _— I can't ... I can't promise that I'll not cry… and that I'll not be sad… But it's not your fault, it's just... You understand, don't you? —_ Hoseok did not bother to wipe the tears, he thought it was okay to cry a little. _— Please, rest in peace... I love you._

Hoseok closed his eyes, keeping his reverence in the middle of the empty, silent room, praying that his tears would water a new, less painful way for Jimin from then on.

 

 

> _Because the dawn right before the sun rises is the darkest_
> 
> _Even in the far future, never forget the you of right now_
> 
> _Wherever you are right now, you’re just taking a break_
> 
> _Don’t give up, you know_
> 
> _I hope tomorrow will be different from today_
> 
> _Don’t get too far away, tomorrow_

* * *

1.: The Korean funeral rites are very different from ocidental. For three days, the funeral begins with the rent of a room in which there is a dining room to receive friends and relatives and a room with the altar for obeisances to the deceased, with photo, flowers, candles, incense, fruit...

2.:  Jimin says this in the second chapter.

3.: Yukgaejang (육개장) is a soup whose spicy sauce is used to ward off spirits and ghosts, according to the belief of the country.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "unresolved" things are purposeful, like VKook and Jin's situation with Namjoon. No, I haven't forgotten the situation of any character. That's the way it should end XD   
> My proposal was to do something realistic, and in real life we have no exact conclusions about anything. I also leave it up to you to imagine how these characters followed their lives, including Hoseok.  
> The sidefic telling the story of Himchan and Bang is still not ready. When it's complete, then I'll post it here.  
> Nee, thank you all who have read and suffered with me ♥ and a special thanks to Icantjcope that encouraged me a lot ♥  
> I hope you have enjoyed it, I'll soon bring more fanfics and if you like this genre (angst), I'll be happy to be with you one more time.


End file.
